I didn't know this ^. Damn, that gives even the scream a whole new dimension. 

Broooo if he is dealing with BPD then that's just fucked upppp. I don't think he will have a single clue how to go about it let alone have the mental strength to put up with it. Oh fuck. Scary and how. Why don't people just run away from such folks? Man, this explains so much about her and I'm pretty certain her husband is a scumbag too. I still don't see why M doesn't see how abusive that guy must be. It takes a special type of abuser to simply exploit someone with a disorder it's like hitting someone who is in a wheelchair or something. And that dude is constantly belittling everyone cuz I'm assuming it gives him a sense of relevance. But I guess guys have a tendency to want to protect other guys so they don't see the pov of the girl sometimes. And vice versa. Cuz what hit me first was how that girl was being exploited by both these dudes. At the end, both of them want her compliant to fulfil their sexual needs and her emotions are simply a barrier if it means the compliance isn't there, right? See that's the woman's perspective in these situations but guys never understand it fully I think. And a lot will consider the woman manipulative too. Or project her as crazy. You never know in these situations. But meh, he probably knows a lot more about this situation in particular than I do anyway. 

Damn I just feel bad I know how fucked it is to be around such folks. And he even likes them. I don't understand that how can he like them? Even when I dated A, I understood quick that something was v off and then just took me time to break it off. But how does he liiiike them? Ugh. Someone help that soul. 

Sometimes I just wish I could be like Claire Pritchett and just shout at these people whose lives I want to straighten up and be like you fuckers better listen to me for your own damn good. Gah. Inside me there's a controlling parent that will find it v hard to sit by if someone is being a moron. 

Fuck dude. On top of this, all my life I've also wondered if my own mum has some form of a mild disorder or was it just being stuck in a shit marriage that made her act in that extreme selfish ways I've seen her behave. Like it was v unsettling to realise not once did she show an interest in anything I've had to say. I remember my first job and it was new and I had messed something up. Reached home terrified cuz I thought they'll fire me or something. That's how naive and serious I was about working. And I recall thinking maybe I should share it with her cuz I was so distressed. And she simply cut me off when I said two words and started telling me about her job and how people treated her badly for hours. Over the years this has become a defining memory for me cuz internally I was shaking and on the outer side my own mom wasn't even remotely bothered about what I had to say. Post that too, the very few times I say something in a conversation and she simply doesn't listen and I can tell she is just waiting for me to stop talking so she can continue on.  Idk if any of this is just her needing attention or it's a legit issue. It's so hard to tell esp with the kinda social structures we have had... Mothers tending to be jealous of their daughters of competing with them is such an age old thing. Idk. Now she seems mellow and I've also kinda given up so things are smooth but I'm not sure all those years that were spent just simply being invalidated really did a number on me. I'm glad most of it is out of the way, but something M said made me think too. About it being first relationship setting up wrong expectations and ideas. I think that's true. Your first relationship also teaches you a lot about yourself. I don't think I allowed myself to be in love with my first bf, even though we dated so long. There was always a part of me that simply wouldn't open up to anyone cuz they never won my trust. And luckily, in all these weird ways of growing up, the one thing I've realised is that my trust is only won through genuine care and that's a vvv good failsafe. It's why I trust only meg and maybe my brother fully and without any reservations. With everyone else I definitely have barriers, which will only lift if I sense genuineness. I'm so glad it's this way, means I have done atleast something right to be able to have unconscious defences. And luckily my headstrongness is always tempered by my practicality too, so I've never been a risk taker or atleast not a hot headed risktaker. Like my brother who likes fast cars and bikes etc. All those thrills are not for me. I need firm seatbelts and driving at reasonable speeds lol. I guess my only form of headstrongness now is an affinity to want to know many different types of people. When I get into the zone, I can't help but want to know them, understand them etc and I guess that is pretty benign as a trait cuz it's not harmful to either me or them, just makes for a good engaging conversation.