Discovery

You know what I kinda miss? That lovely sense of closeness I used to feel when someone would call me all the time, couldn't wait to talk to me, spending nights just talking to each other till the AM and getting to know each other through and through. Even when you knew you'll be sleep deprived asf the next day. It was so easy back then, everything seemed brand new and it took like a week's worth of just being in constant touch until you know every tiny secret about each other, all those inside jokes. There were no barriers, no distrust, just a lot of hope and laughter and ease. You know like how you become best friends straight up after just a few days cuz you know you met someone special and couldn't wait to share all about yourself with them, and have them tell you every little thing about themselves. There was such joy in that discovery, and it was so hard to hold back cuz like waking life was inf better than just sleeping. And that inevitable cocoon that would form that housed all the closeness and the sweet gestures and leg pulling and you just knewwwww right at the start that the bond will be special. 

Every meaningful person that ever entered my life, happened to enter suddenly and abruptly and boom! Few weeks later we were close as can be. It was wonderful. One of the things that makes me truly happy is knowing that everyone that I met up until now, who I have cared about - instantly and almost instinctively trusted me. To a point where I grew up thinking that was a norm and only much later discovered that people are actually distrustful by nature. I remember V telling me that she had only two friends growing up and after I met her, we became friends cuz I simply bulldozed her barriers down like I didn't see them. That was true, I just felt they were silly and decided she was a great person who I wanted in my life so just stuck around till she was feeding me nice food and all ahhahaha. Oh man, that was legit amazing ♥️

I miss that feeling. And I wonder if someone will want to get to know me with that much happiness and passion again. After eons I've even thought about it and I don't want to taint it by telling myself that adulthood is about people having barriers and lines and all that. Fuck that. Idgaf. Barriers are meant to be temporary not like a fucking jail that keeps you caged in and everyone nice shut out. That's just pointless. 

Someday, everything would be like a fresh sunny day after the rains abate. People need to have more faith in themselves and not just be insecure about every tiny thing all the time. It's no way to live life. Why crawl when flying is an option? Atleast float and cruise around. That's a good middle ground.