Came back to M's place and she promptly fell asleep lmao. Man, I do nooot like coming city side anymore. Quiz was fun though. I really like these quiz folks, they come up with some decent questions. Got beat by a table of ten which sucked ass. I think what I hate the most is not giving the answers when I know them. I just hesitated for no reason and lost out on two 30 point questions and now I can't forgive myself. 💀

And it looks like this boy is playing tennis now. Lol. He needs to care for himself better man. Looked so damn tired earlier and is already out playing. Ugh. Idk. I can't obviously say too much but I really wish he would push himself less at times. Actually but I like that about him, it's great to see him be so disciplined it makes me also want to do more and I legit love that. I was telling M also today, about how it's so wonderful to see him do his thing. She was like in your eyes he can do no wrong cuz you are so fond of him. Lol, maybe true. I am, very very very fond of him. But it's rare that I feel so indulgently fond of someone so I'll cherish that. Even if my lens on him turns out wrong, in the end I hope our equation holds significance for both of us. Dammit I actually miss you if I don't talk to you for a bit. Don't ever exploit that fact if you figure it out. You know what sucks? The fact that caring about someone comes with such a lot of carefulness and a desire to not let them know you do cuz you don't want it to be like a weapon of sorts. All the fuckwads I've met along the way, you guys are such losers cuz you took the one thing that someone can bestow on you of their free will aka their love and care, and you all juuuuust used it to harm them. Who was the loser in the end? You guys. And me, in some small way cuz now every person I come close to giving a shit about, I instantly start to look for red flags in. I need to stop that. Don't want to spend my life just second guessing someone. M, if you ever screw me over, I'll take the hit and deal with it then, but I think I'm ready to trust you for reals from now. Just out of a desire to flip off every last stupid shithead I met before. But also because as much as I wanted to run away from it all, in the end I just care about you a 100 percent. So fuck it, I'll try not to doubt you any longer. And I hope you start to lean in too from now, it's time you started being real with me too. And I hope you never turn my inherent loyalty into a test of endurance, I'm not vindictive, but my indifference - once attained - tends to be for keeps. 

Also, I NEED TO BE MORE PREPPED IF IMMA QUIZ NEXT TIME. NO MORE LOSING. 

Literally me past 24 hours.