Something about midnight jazz. Feel like those writers who steep themselves in their own selves hating on the world, yet wanting it to be better. Lol. I feel so self indulgent when I allow myself to wallow in despair over the state of the world that I have neither the intention of changing nor thinking about once this mood wears off. I do this strange thing where I dig up old memories of people long left behind just to hate on them. In my head I keep trying to reframe then and think of alternative scenarios so I can know how to deal with it all should it happen again. Yet these equations have long been dust.
So would I ever need to deal? No. What bothers me is the years of things left unsaid, of me never ever having called any of the shit out and just being a mute spectator to people crossing my boundaries because I didn't know then that I should stand up for me. I hate that. If there's one thing I'd change in my life it's this one thing. But then again, would I have anything to hate out of boredom? Nope.
Lol.
Right on cue the jazz goes nuts. I love it.
I feel like a lot of jazz can be set to freestyle flamenco, like an emotional tornado that seeks to affirm itself with each movement. It's interesting how each note tends to call out to some part of your body, just a little wiggle here and a little wiggle there.
How fun.
Aaaaaaaa I'm losing every fucking game wtf is WRONGGGG I hate thisssss. God I legit feel like kicking something wtf is this shit
I like this song: The Finishing
Guitar, jazz and edm comes together to make a weird but nice combo for once. Synth, Sax, Guitar. Finger my mind.
Aand there's a song by my name. Interesting. How glad am I to be named after a flower whose scent I actually love.
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