I sometimes fear I have genuinely started losing all trust and feeling of openness towards people. Every single time I choose to I make a mistake. With some I don't even understand where I went wrong. Who knows man. Seriously. Sometimes my mind even cautions me - ugh. But I don't want to think that. I don't. But yes, I will admit that it was belittling asf and while I could ponder why, it will serve no purpose to discern the reasoning. And there's no point in trusting people and assuming they have my best interests or anything. Like someone I was friends with for years one day woke up and point blank told me he sees no value in me. And then proceeds to act all high and mighty and then stalks me relentlessly behind my back. To this day he wouldn't leave me alone after giving me those mean, godawful speeches that were aimed at trying to hurt me. Another person I was close to, did right by, just shows me by his actions that I hold no value to him. I was always genuine towards you, so I don't know why you all behave this way. 

A year ago knowing this would have made me feel small and insignificant. And now it doesn't even hurt to type that. I just know for sure that I'm not the problem and I don't think I ever was. 

So you know... It is what it is. I started out thinking maybe I'm losing faith in people but I'm realising now that I'm actually gaining faith in myself. I've been fortunate enough on balance to have lovely friendships and equations at every point in my life, and I'm equal parts grateful and happy to have that experience. May it continue.