Sometimes it's just so fucking hard to know what to do. I'm so utterly frustrated rn. Like. Got so annoyed at the fact that all of last year I had an injury, couldn't run properly, all the fitness is built was slowly decreased and now that I'm finally injury free it just feels like starting from scratch and that has its own sucky feeling. Like a hamster in a wheel that is just going round and round. I hate this. I hate not attaining goals I hate that discipline is something that just fades if you aren't careful and more than anything I'm just mad at myself for not doing enough. That's what bothers me. The fact that I feel like I didn't push hard enough. I hate it. I want this to be the last time I feel this way. And my book is unfinished, I haven't made progress in chess.Work always sucks idgaf about making money for other people, it's so monotonous. It's like everything is just at a fucking standstill and I hate it. 

And every fucking year it's a battle of feeling one shitty way or another and then fixing it and then to realise oh wait there's another stupid battle to deal with. It's just so depressing. I know this feeling will pass, I don't doubt that. But just rn I feel so much like shit and like life is just passing me by and I'm accomplishing nothing. I feel so so so gutted and depressed rn. 

Anyway, best to live with discomfort than complacency so there's that. Whatever, I have to pull myself out of this. Change for good and don't look back. I'll make a list of things I want to do this year and slowly build to that. Atleast managaeble goals should give me a sense of accomplishment if nothing else.