Was going about my day and I realise that I miss this boy if I don't say hi to him for an extended period of time. Hehe. After a long time, I have started missing someone's presence.  Funny thing is the conversations are usually just mundane and generic but still, it just feels good and their absence kinda makes itself known to me. 

Ugh. I want to make noise and spam lots but I won't too much today, just lazy. And someday I'll tell him this, I'm sure he will say I know or something along those lines hahaha. He won't say it but I'm sure he will think it with that all knowing smile. I bet he thinks he knows me more than I think he knows me. But he won't figure out that it's only cuz I am actively so transparent in front of him, he will chart it up to his own prowess won't he? Hehe. Menz. ♥️ I mean, even I think I understand him better than he thinks I do, juuuust saying. In the interest of fairness I must admit it. Me. ♥️

Lots of bits of his personality actually bring out a lot of my more feminine traits tbh. Despite the loudness and goofing around with him, internally I just feel very, very nurturing and lovingly towards him and he makes me more mindful and softer. I used to read about women having that dainty touch when it comes to guys and I never understood it before, nor did I imagine having that trait in me, but slowly he seems to be uncovering it in me unknowingly. To be fair, people always told me I had it but I guess I never noticed it before. Nor did I feel this gentle calmness which is surprisingly steady earlier. Idk if I can chart it up to him or myself, so I'll say it's a mix of both. There are these moments of utter peace, solidity and loving observance all clubbed together that I feel from time to time, and in those I feel most like myself than I ever have. I like being this person. Hope neither of us fucks it up. I know I won't. 

This is a nice realisation.♥️

Interesting how I've become a writer this past year, for a decade I had nothing to say because I never thought anything I had to say was of any note. And now I feel like every tiny thought needs to be crafted into words so I can pour out my soul into them, just because I don't want it all only within me. I used to read a lot of the letters on letters of note, and here I am today, writing these little ones of mine, hoping to make sense of it all, but most importantly to preserve a world within them that holds my heart - naked, clear, unvarnished.