Having a long talk with bro and discussing fam. It's quite sad how scattered our family dynamics have always been and how awful it was mentally to grow up around them. Even today while I have a functional relationship with them, I'm just so sick and tired of how petty and selfish a few of them have been. Dad extended his tenure at work and I know that he is doing it just so he doesn't have to stay with mom. And idk man, the way she behaves I can't quite fault him. Somewhere I think I've learnt to give up on them all tbh. And the thing I hate the most about my mom personally is how she can't take any responsibility for her behaviour, always insecure, always making things someone else's fault, never saying sorry, egoistic max, and yet controlling to boot. There are moments when I forget all this and things are fine, but in my heart I can't quite think well of her. Idk if it's some undiagnosed disorder that compels her to be this way or what. But in the end, I've witnessed this uncaring, ghastly behaviour almost all my life and I don't think I want to anymore. In anyone tbh. It takes just one shitty person to ruin the life of everyone else around them, and I firmly believe it's best to stay away from those kind of folks. All this ego, unkindness, ' cater to me and only me ' kinda selfish shit is a recipe for utter disaster. No thanks! 

Having said that, I've spent half my life knowing that my family was a source of pain to me, but I'm determined to change that for my own self going forward. Whatever equations I create going forward, I'm going to ensure have all the genuine elements of decency and kindness that I seek. And I will never let someone like my mom in my life, I just don't want to. No exceptions.