Mindsets

Hmm. I was thinking about what I find intimidating in people and I think I have an answer. I think with a lot of folks in my life who I've always had a conflict ridden equation with, I'd learnt to keep my guard up and protect my inner self from them. And now that I'm trying to ensure I don't have to hide my vulnerabilities and be my natural self, when I sense someone is in their own tough zone, I tend to get wary out of instinct and get my shields up. Which isn't the way I want to be around people I'm close to, so that toughness sometimes makes me a little on edge I suppose. Not cuz it's directed at me or anything but just when I sense it, I am aware of it cuz I've learnt to be. 

Fuck dude. I don't think I have ever truly acknowledged how much of my life I have spent being on edge and trying to protect myself from people who should have been the ones I trust and feel comfortable around. To a point where literally hiding every little feeling became a way of life and accomodating more such people became a habit that was super hard to break. Awwie. It's okay, it won't happen any more. And if it does, I'll make sure to communicate it and tackle it sensibly. No worries. 

Mindsets play a big role in all of this for me. Knowing "you got this" and actually believing that helps change a lot of what used to seem like a shut avenue. Usually any task I undertake too, unless there was that voice inside that clearly stated yes you can, it was completely futile cuz no matter the attempts I would just sabotage it as a self fulfilling prophecy. The final victory in life always has to be over your own self and never over anyone else. Everything else changes accordingly. Things and people don't have power over you, your interpretation and perception of them wrt yourself does. I believe in this.