Saw some reel of M's friend B, he genuinely seems like such a grounded, family guy. Great attitude, seems really happy and loving towards his fam too. Very nice. Some of this stuff is so heartwarming esp the ease of affection I see in his vids towards his wife and kids. Feels great. I love those nice busy households which are sometimes chaotic but everyone is genuine and caring towards each other. I said hello to M too, like I guess I'm not tanking a friendship over hearing sounds. 😅 All the right kinda folks seem to like him, me included lol. Just please don't let this be the wrong decision, and I hope going forward there's more transparency between us, honestly. He has to have enough discernment to know me well enough by now, no way he isn't smart enough to figure that. I hate these random hiccups. Glad I'm not having knee jerk reactions though. Earlier I would have just wanted to bolt lol. Sure he would hate it if he knew too. I want to be able to share this stuff with him honestly but idk what stops me, guess I need him to cultivate that environment where you can talk without being judged or misunderstood. And sometimes I hate how he is surrounded by such weirdos too, living perpetually in that kinda environment can't be good for trust issues. The vid the other day really freaked me out, just witnessing people saying those things to that woman, especially those awful lines where that dude was telling her to shut her cocksucker like what even?! And some quip about seeing her nipples when she bent down. How tf can you allow yourself to say that to someone? Idgaf if she is batshit crazy, doesn't mean you get to say all this to someone in front of a bunch of other lecherous folks. Yuck. Puke. And to think there was a time when I thought this dude was okay just reckless. Idk man, people can be so awful when they think the stakes are low. Part of why I feel so paranoid too sometimes is cuz my own discernment of folks is so flawed I almost never write anyone off and just assume they are nice from the get go so it gets hard for me to recognise the signs that most other folks would instantly take as red flags. Ugh. And living with sooo much paranoia would eventually be an impediment, right? Like people can have your back, and do right by you. Sometimes I wonder if even he has ever believed that about someone. 

Oh well, gonna have to trust I'll learn eventually I guess. And I hope he does too, cuz the world isn't all bad and not everyone is a piece of shit. None of the people I know currently are, they are all high value folks. Ambitious, intelligent but also grounded and stable. Just gotta keep the good ones around and fuck the rest of it who cares.