Transparency

I know I shouldn't read into it. But there are moments where I'm just like... Not sus but idk. Just feel like I don't have any clarity and that's by design. 

Oh well. 

Whatever. Blah. At the end of the day you have to decide to start being more transparent directly cuz I can't spend my life forever holding space for someone who deliberately keeps me in the dark. Or allow myself to sit and wonder all this like these should not be things that occur to me and if this kinda thought creeps in, it's only cuz I've been perpetually staring at a blank which in the end isn't really a nice thing to do to me. 

Ugh. Whateverrrr chuck it. I'm not gonna think about this again. I'm never gonna question anything, I hate being that person and I'm not allowing myself to go there. 

Someday I also want to find what I'm looking for and have it be every bit worth it and whoever it is, I don't want to be kept in the dark or have to question anything ever again. I don't care if the truth is ugly, but I'd rather know than not know.  Transparency shouldn't be the last option anyway, I've always tried to be so from my side even when I know it might be annoying, I still do it cuz I don't like hiding stuff. So I always share even the smallest, stupidest thing cuz I want to be upfront. 🤷‍♀️ Finding quality isn't easy so I am not frivolous with it when I do. Getting older has taught me that lesson. Verify, but also value and showcase that value so people feel at ease with you. And also make sure you are valued. I'll stick to that forever. I really wish you would also allow me that respect. If two people care about each other, they should not have a moment of doubt or be skeptical of each other. And neither of us should spend forever waiting, what would be the point in that? 

Hmmm. I guess I feel all this just cuz I like you enough to want to actually know you properly not just have to put bits and pieces together nor should I have to tbh. And you shouldn't have to fly blind with me either. Idk what else to say.

Anyway,

Let's go runnnn!