Lmao. Watched Rick and Morty and it was about fears and Morty figures his fear is that Rick would never once say " I'm not leaving without you, you're irreplaceable" to him in real life. Lmaoooo. A cartoon paraphrased my own fear what a joke. 

But yeah, I used to be afraid that the minute I care, it would leave me vulnerable and someone could exploit that fact to extract what they want out of me. And treat me with coldness and indifference just like Rick seems to be to everyone. Loving someone is such a state of permanence for me that it was scary to entertain the idea of not being loved in return. All thanks to my parents for having bestowed this wonderful inherited fear cuz they couldn't figure their shit out. And I legit love you father but I hate your indifference, your tendency to run away from problems, and your inability to show any form of affection the way someone needs it. But the one thing I'm determined to do is to not allow this to be my reality ever. The sad part of this is how I ended up allowing so many people in my life who behaved like you cuz that's all I thought I deserved. To ask for nothing ever, and be okay with recieving nothing. With some people I even felt like if I don't keep in contact, they won't even say hi to me. And these were folks close to me. Sheesh. Never ever, ever again. 

I finally figured the solution is to wait until people do show you care from their own side unprompted and make an effort that makes you feel at ease, and then allow care to develop from your side mutually. Something that might be obvious to a lot of people but took me half my life to figure. And surprisingly, it's not hard and plenty of folks do make that effort as well, so wait for them. Where I used to go wrong earlier was to not wait for that to be shown, but I will from now. And it'll be really nice, I'm sure. I want to feel safe to love, then I can love lots and lots! 

Lol, this makes me laugh though. Fucking cartoon flipping me off inadvertently. 

Still, suck it RnM. 🖕🏼