Talking

Met M after a long time tonight and had a long talk about life. She asked me after all that has happened do I still care about the other M. And the answer is yes, I definitely do. Not sure why or how, but his presence in my life has been something that I definitely do cherish. I'm not sure why it does, but his personality and his soul matches mine in a way that feels quite right. I'm not sure what happens next, or if we make room for each other with all our idiosyncrasies, in our lives. But I hope we do find a way to figure out some balance. In my own way, I legit love him. I don't say that lightly either. I appreciate how much time and care he took to make me feel at ease, it's not something others have done before and he wins my loyalty for that. And I know he would cringe and die before he admits that he was showing me all that care, but I hope he reaches a point where it doesn't feel cringe to him, rather he realises how easy and wonderful our equation is and leans into it without fear. Having said that... Men. Them and their egos amirite? Lol. Pull through for me this once M. I love you lots - more than I could ever tell you, and it's time we both grew up enough to feel secure about each other. And you have to be able to do your bit so I feel happy and secure with you. It's the one sign I've been waiting for forever, ever since I came across you. Please get it right for me? I promise I'll be steady the moment you show me that, but it's imp to me to know I'm valued and you are the one person I need to show me that I am. And to be honest, idk what your life's hangups are or what has happened so far that makes you so guarded. But I didn't cause them, so you shouldn't project your fears onto me. You need to factor that in at the end of the day.

Other than that, life is actually ok. And I'm finally not miserable lol. As for all the other stuff that was said and done, it's okay, we are both strong and I'm sure we can get over it in due time. I meant it when I said I want you in my life, I hope you know that and how deeply I meant it as well. I'm pretty sure you do actually. You might get mad and jittery when emotional conversations happen, but underneath that you are capable of dealing and I know that. So I trust in you for now. *Biggest hugs* 

And cheers, hoping for good things to come about soon. :)