Drinking

I actually haven't had any casually. Surprisingly it feels nice. And I don't miss it. Interesting. I didn't realise how easy it was to just have a drink or two in a week if you felt like it. Now that I'm not, it actually feels better. How cool.

I think I'll stick to this long term. Man, made so many changes these last few years. Sometimes it's hard to understand their impact short term but after few months or a year it just hits you. I like it. Reinventing for the win. Can't believe what a shitty place I was in a few years back. Felt like everything had hit full stop. I felt nothing. Glad that phase is over. 

Now my vices are stupid things like sleeping in too much lol. Nothing like taking a nice shower, putting on a nice smelling lotion and then climbing into bed in your panties and a t shirt. Something about clean sheets on bare skin feels so soothing. I can feel it rn, good threadcount sheets for the win.  

Oh and gossip girl reruns. My other hidden vice. I was watching an ep today and I actually like Chuck. I see a lot of me in him, despite the caricaturish portrayal. Always loyal, took care of everyone, had his friends' backs, fought his demons and was always reliable for people he cared about. And how sick it made him to realise he is a romantic haha. That always gets me, I was exactly as disgusted when I realised I'm one too. It's weird how these random bs shows get something right but it gets so lost in the noise. And how they have a tendency to show all shitty characters as likeable.  Perception. I hated Blair so much lol. That back stabby, insecure character. Funnily enough A liked her and she was exactly like her. Haha. Her perception was that Blair was caring. She thought I was like Serena too. Lmao I don't sleep with friend's bfs or crushes A, you did that to me. But I am kind, or atleast I try to be. We were such kids though, stupid shit happened. Sometimes I wonder if we could ever be friends again. We were so close for a decade. But I just can't do that again. And I'm a lot more vocal about what bothers me now, so I don't think you'd be able to deal with that either. Man, was I henpecked or what. I guess out of all the people I chose to detach from, you are probably the only one I do still care about A. But I don't see myself reconnecting with you. I don't get it. I don't get why I feel such unconditional care towards you. You were like a sister to me. I think even you know that. That night when you called me after your cousin passed away, you told me I was the only person you wanted to talk to. I'm glad I could be there. And I will always be there I suppose. Think we both will pull through if the other needs it. But not daily, for that you will need to change lots. So maybe it's best this way. Okay blah, I don't wanna think about this anymore. Back to loving comfy sheets and feeling cozy. 

Listening to: Oh Cherie - New Young Pony Club