Slept lots and feel well rested. And feel lots better now. Thankfully. Man, the last couple of days just went into some insanely intense mode didn't they? I kinda feel bad about the way I said things. I hope I wasn't hurtful. Fuck. Ugh. I wish I'd waited and figured out a better way to state my point than the chaotic mess I made. I wasn't wrong and I did mean the stuff about not wanting to be lines of text anymore but at the same time I don't think I should have conveyed it in the way I did. I don't even get what's wrong with asking that, I wasn't saying tell me your life's deepest secrets, how is what I asked different from you speaking to your lil bro A?
But man, I was feeling so hurt that I didn't stop to think if what I'm saying could be hurtful too. I hope it wasn't, so far it just seems like you don't care anyway so most likely it didn't mean anything to you other than serve as a source of annoyance. Or maybe you do give a shit and don't know how to say it or what to, after reading all that. But I can't tell which of the reactions you had, if any and my habit of lowballing myself will keep telling me you don't give a fuck. Idk what to do, guess I'll just wait and see if you say something or not.
Ugh, see this is the problem with not having human context, it's impossible to gauge what someone would feel or has been feeling or could feel without it. Well, atleast hope it wasn't hurtful that is all. Damn.
Fuck all this drama because I wanted you to just give me a call and say hello and get to know who I am. Why couldn't I have just said this much instead of the colossal amount of emo bs I wrote? That too on no sleep. Didn't even listen when you told me to sleep it off. Life is so fucking idiotic sometimes.
And you know what...fuck this lowballing of self too, ugh. From now on I'm just going to assume everyone loves me, including you and make sure I talk to everyone with that underlying premise so I can be mindful of their feelings too. About fucking time I stopped being a fool.
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