Slept a bit fitfully last night and woke up at 3am from a dream, the first one of the night. I was in a place which felt like a dining room and had a table. I had removed some stuff from its packaging and was trying to collect the packaging so I could bin it. I turned to ask you and instead saw you go inside a room and just climb into bed. Felt unsure as to what to do with the stuff in my hand so I decided to ask.I didn't know if I should enter the room and as I was trying to decide, you just snuggled into the covers, turned over and looked at me. Think your covers were white/beige/cream with a tinge of green, and the bed was a bit messy. I was suddenly aware that it was just both of us and no people left. Something about that felt so intimate and vivid and for lack of a better word... Real. (The irony, amirite?). I could feel that you were completely comfortable around me, just lazing around. But I didn't want to take that as a given, I needed you to actively ask me in. I did want to climb in with you and be cosy in a cocoon with your hands wrapping me up. I kept debating if I should. Something about you being tired makes me want to...lol, well, it turns me on if I had to be honest. Haha, god knows why that is. Hmmm.
A few moments later, I could feel my body heating up the way it does when a dream is starting to pull away and I'm entering a conscious state. It's one of two ways my dreams ask to be over and I find it fascinating. It's either just a feeling that my entire body is slowly raising its temperature - like an adrenaline rush - or I hear a doorbell which sounds exactly like my apartment's and I wake up thinking some delivery has arrived.
Interesting. I want to make sure I journal all of these, they are so telling. I think this one primarily was underlining my tendency to hesitate and act formal when I'm feeling unsure. The contrast of a sudden switch to informal settings and yet me needing an active invite to join you speaks volumes. I guess even in my dreams I don't like to intrude on someone uninvited, much as I'd love to be with them.
Hmmm. Sounds like I'm looking for some form of surety that gives me a sense of peace, and that has to come from the other person of their own will. That's fair in my mind. Can't do all the work for someone, personal effort needs to come from both sides otherwise what's even the point. As with all good things, balance is key.
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