I'm sleeping through the day wtf. It's 5 pm already and I want to go back to sleep. It's pouring outside and my eyes are groggy and my body says give up lol. 

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A heartfelt ugh. 

Feeling better and craving something like soup so intensely. Tossed and turned all night interspersed with sleeplessness. 

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Can't believe I shed a few years over the nadal docu also.

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🙄 That's all.

Lol Nadal alternating between winning slams and being on crutches. How painful man. I really feel for his wife. Watching her cry that one time he could not even play was so heartbreaking. Heh. Something inside me was just mad at all stubborn mules who happen to all be men in that instant. How do you just hurt yourself so much man? People who are pushing themselves may see that as pulling them down but honestly it's just care. Like thing you are trying to do is trivial compared to who you are. And this fucker had anyway got everything so like. Sheesh. He has a wonderful wife though, she seems sooooo nice. Lucky him. 

Match against Zverev is actually making me cry man wtf. It really is. 

I respect this fellow so damn much man. What a resilient soul, huh? You gotta really want something so bad. Battling everything. Well, peace be on your soul, I hope. 

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Is creatine a good supplement for women? 😭 These things freak me out ngl. 

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12 Am and now I have fever too. :(

Third day of tennis and I'm already missing it lol. Stupid cold. Maybe I can just go over tomo. Do some drills atleast. Might just die on the court. Who knows. It's telling that I'm happiest when I'm running away somewhere hehe. Ugh. Cough syrup it is now. 

Blanket, rafa, sneezing, snoozing, cough syrup and some idli sambhar to feel nourished. Baking in the sun just a few weeks back and now I have a cold. How life changes. And I have to work on that consulting gig too ffs. 

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I hate toni nadal man. What a smug prick yuck. This entire injury seems like it must be his fault. Ugh. Can't stand his stupid face, truly. 

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Can I wake up early tomo? Can I? 🥺

 Sneezing a lot, watery eyes and throat hurts. Just why? It's cold outside all of a sudden and I'm completely wrecked. Such a weird thing. This is what I get for waking up early lol.

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Halfway through the day and I'm actually sick what's going on? Damn

Rafa

Watched a teensy bit and I can't yo. I legit felt emotional wuuut. It's like a time capsule of something I've passively loved. Crazy how sports can be such a enduring part of life. My first few glimpses of him were also exactly during that davis cup and subsequently when I saw him play Coria. It was insane to me. And now...

WE ARE ALL GROWN UP. 😭

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This cheapo finally winning some good ones. Good good. Lost a bit right as I saw lol. But nvm good games I enjoyed seeing. 

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Back to Rafa. Man is such a cutie that shy smile jeez. Total heartmelt. And the ice cream omgggg. Howwww. Fuck. Toooo cute ya. I'm sure this will soon take a dark turn man. Ugh. All the myriad injuries will make me cry 🥺

Awake and just so unwilling to get out of bed omg. I really should check if there are some evening slots to play cuz 😭. This is too early.

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Ok whew. One more session done. Man, seriously need proper conditioning. That start and stop running is so different from normal lol. Well, look at me being a grouch for no reason. All in all, it was fun. That one dude with attitude and no skill was so annoying. It's always people like that who won't work on form but then completely try making power shots to act like they are so great. He got so pissy in the end when he kept fumbling. Weird to see so much ego on the court. Interesting phenomena. Anyway, gotta start doing running drills. My reaction time is also slower than I remember, I really hated that. I've come to dislike that the period of acclimating is a bit greater than it used to be, or maybe I'm more impatient who knows? Anyway, tis what tis. I shall do my best. Knowing that is a good enough feeling I suppose. A month from now I want to be back to be nimble asf 😤

Jeez a vid of Gotham and Mike playing tennis popped up on my feed again and maaan. Even I could beat them both without trying. Wow. It's like watching pickleball. It's weird how so many folks seem to go tennis and chess but the tennis part just seems like a performative add on cuz none of them have a clue. I suppose that's not a bad thing tbh, it's just a sport. But they kinda exclusively go for tennis as opposed to basketball or some such. That's weird to me. 

And then there's a stalwart in the comments calling this dude semi pro in both games. 😭. That word semi pro is so bad yo. Just say someone plays both well or something. 

Hehe, I don't mind being bitchy once in a while in my mind but I don't like others doing it. Lol. Plus I would never actually go around doing it publicly, I feel like social media just makes people too comfortable with saying stupid shit about others. V uncool. It's so tacky and weird too, like esp chess folks they seem very negative and aggressively anti everything. I don't see that much bitchiness in other places. But who knows, it's not like I've looked hard enough. 

Anyway. 

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I really wanna get my level up again sheesh. Gotta really work at it properly. Ugh. Need to do it quiiiick. Well, tomo is a new day. A new sunrise that I shall see because that's how early I'll be awake. 😩

Back to 2k rapid like an underachiever. Wtf is this italian game paris defence that I play so often and screw up always? 😩 Hehe. 

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Omg day is over already. How very rude of it. I haaaave to try and sleep early. Atleast 4 days a week. Zomgz. How to? Oh I know..I can try mediation. Nothing puts me to sleep faster. Lol. 2 mins and lights out. 

Looking up how many rounds of a court make up a 5k and I think I'd look insane if I ran 210 rounds there 😞

How to balance this? 

Maybe I'll just die of exhaustion then I won't have to worry about anything. Silver linings 🌈

Already have a headache due to waking up so early like the good little old person I am. It's lovely being me. 😊

Tennis love

First proper tennis sess after a decade like damn. I feel soooo good. Got so tired till the end. Will need atleast a month to acclimate back but then it'll just be so epic. I'm looking forward to this bigtime! My few loves ...Running, Tennis, Chess. All yum. 😩🤭♥️💋💯 I envy pro tennis players cuz damn. Also why do I keep lifting my leg. Hahah coach was just like bruh stay stay!! Hahhaa. Omgggggg. Hand also hurts with swinging. So damn weak! 

Heh. I could live on a court. The only drawback is having to wake up so early lol.

I miss the times where I could just play for hours and hours and not feel a thing except feeling like yeah funz. Damn dude. Will take a lot of consistency to get back to that, but I am soooo looking forward to it. Next 6 months 💪🏼

The prettiest

 

Hikaru beating up 2900s like it's nothing is insane to watch like brother what even. Oh my god. Just fucking them up for hours. Ai yai yai. What an insane level boss, just truly.

It's ironic that the person is called Sauron while getting their ass handed to them 

Talked to brother all morning. He is at indian Wells. Man the courts there look sooooooo beautiful goddamn. It felt good talking to him. He is generally such a positive person, and he tried to be. I miss him man. Making plans to play tennis with him hehe. I'm sure it'll be fun. I can't wait!!! 

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Who I want to be, how I want to be etc... these are questions everyone has to answer for themselves. But they are good questions. Feels good to have someone in my corner. Plus he told me he can call and tell my friend to fuck off for doubling down on the bullying claims. Hahaha. I love him man, has my back 💪🏼

Maybe setbacks are a part of life and I just gotta accept that, not get dejected and simply use this knowledge as fuel to do better. What else is there anyway? Heh. Adopt what djoko says. How long you stay in that mindset is what dictates... Well I forgot what he said fully but whatever. This calls for a more mentally  disciplined approach. 

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Today I feel shitty, I'll let it be...tomo I'll deal with it and get back on the horse. Fuck. Giving my own self a pep talk. Oh well. 

On some very rare occasions I really feel like I wish I had someone I could open up to and trust with stuff that bogs me down. I could do with a bit of care in that dept tbh. Oh man. 

Meh, fuck it. I can do it by myself. Anyway I only slipped up so it's on me. It's always been my responsibility so I should not whine if I mess up. 

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Whatever, onwards and upwards with a cheery attitude, gots to do it. This time around I'll get everything right. 💪🏼

Feeling very back to square one today. Ugh. Just so disheartened.