Adding a random sweet quote for myself on my calendar and setting it for a year from now. Just a lil inspo from someone who types " Hi future me! Congrats on cracking 980 elo " in a yt recap hahahaha. What a cutie. 😂

Lol Bartholomew shitting on yesterday's game haha. People in chess are bruuuutal. Hahahah. Oh well, even I share in that kinda desire to be right and precise so I get why they feel the way they do but I doubt I'd want to publicly tweet stuff like this out. Must be sooo harsh on the players if they read all this. Or maybe they are harsher on themselves who knows. Well either way. Funny stuff 

Assad ousted, SK protesting with music and lights, United's shooter's crazy ass model like mug shots released to public. So much stuff just happening the world over it's interesting how much info we have and how much fuckery would have been going on earlier when we didn't. Oh the silos we live in. 

The scene in black doves where Knightley talks to her husband and he is devastated at the thought of her cheating. How he speaks and what he says is so utterly well crafted. No anger, just pain and insecurity and a desire to tell someone he loves that he loves them. Damn man. I never think about how a man might feel to get cheated on. Maybe it's my bias I view it only as a thing guys tend to do. But the idea of just throwing away your family, small kids who will never understand why you did what you did. I think I just simply think more of kids being forced to grow up because adults made shit choices. I don't like that. 

I understand the need someone might have to get out when they are forced into a marriage or something. But when you willingly choose someone to be with, life gets boring at times and then you try to fuck around. That's kinda shitty. Hope I never do that. Even if I'm tempted I hope I never destroy something I love. 

~~

My pet peeve with these spy thrillers is that they completely don't understand or use tech in it. Like walking around in broad daylight in London, leaving prints everywhere. All of Europe has so much public surveillance how do you even get around that. Too weird. 

Okay second round of puuuushing haha. Let's gooooo. 

Aaand productivity hehe. Feels nice. Ugh. Something about December I just love so much. Everything is so sunny and crisp just feels joyous. I want to start working on the story today so little timmmeeee

I feel like it's nice to create your own traditions. I find it really sweet to give importance to certain things. Just little things that matter. :) Hehe feeling all gooey about this. 

Working in silence at midnight. Something about this feels so right, and the hours just flow. Beautiful 😍

Existential something

Waking up early on a weekday so I can feel like I'm done with everything by 11 am. The feeling of restlessness is priceless.

Black Doves

Cozy in bed, watching a nice show and marvelling at BBC just always coming through with such good content. Fresh, unique and engaging. After so long I'm watching a series. Well, no reading for tonight I guess. Hehe. I'm happy rn. Have to also start ideating for the story for Maya. I think I can come up with something good. Tomo!! A shiny new day

What a hectic day, juggling so many things. Whew. Just gonna sleep nicely tonight. ♥️

Guess we are all watching Ding winningggg hehe. Good stufffffff 💪🏼

Ohhhhh he did ittttt wowww. What a masterful game so effing well done. Now that's a crushing victory 🙌. DING WINNINGGGGG

Okay imma hold my breath and wish for DINGGGGG 🎉🎉

Turn it arounddddd

Do players' personalities influence their chess? Interesting question asked to Sadler. He says not necessarily. Says he is reserved as a person but very diff chess wise. Hmmm... I think who you are unfettered is very much visible on the board. What you do under stress and high stakes shows very distinctly who you are. Part of why I root for magnus always I simply with no reservations believe one should optimise to win everytime. My own chess is overly optimistic and at times not thought through and lacks the base of hard work required to refine it, but when I push myself I'm happy with the results so I know what I lack in rigor currently I'll make up over time in persistence. Feel like you can always figure clues out about people slowly that way. But who knows, maybe I'm completely wrong. Hehe.

~

Oh wow he also has an ex wife and a current one haha. Man, people really divorce a lot huh. Or maybe these chess players are just annoying the fuck out of women haha. I can soooo see this happening lmao. Well, I hope when I marry it's for good and just the once. I'll hold out for that. Want a good solid partnership, didn't deal with so much bs in life to falter in this kinda stage. Hehe. Guess that means I need to keep my standards up and not shortchange myself on essentials. 

~

Fuck it. Let me get my 1900 back then quit 3+0 for good. Let's play actual chess and prove my own self wrongggg haha. Yeah fuck it not letting myself off the hook for lack of rigor. 

Somehow whatever happens, I do end up being quite supportive of this fellow lol. Idk why also but there's a genuine part of me that sees not just potential but just desire in him to be better and somehow I then feel like ok go for it. Do it. I'll be here every step of the way if you need and even if you don't need but let's do it. Haha. The downside is that I do get annoyed when I don't feel like I'm appreciated cuz then suddenly a side kicks in saying hey wait if they don't openly say thanks etc then why be there? Why not just spend time with those that do? I suppose that's eventually going to end up being the dealbreaker if it comes to that. Balance is something that comes from both sides anyway so like. 

Anyway blah. Let's watch the gaaame. Haha. Omg it's going to be decisive hopefully. Want ding to just show some fucking magic. Hehe, well atleast I hope he tries. The number of people just critiquing him is brutal. Must be very very tough to feel like you have let everyone down nothing like that horrid feeling of not measuring up or seeing everyone disappointed. I think it's one of the worst things in the world to be subjected to. Well, I shall always champion people I see not believing in themselves, I am 100 percent sure that a mix of love and belief makes a huge difference in performance. Esp for those who are inherently self critical, the outside world needs to go easy on them cuz they are already being harsh on themselves. I suppose that's why I like Sadler, he understands that and doesn't push his own feelings on others. Maturity is knowing your own boundaries and holding yourself to a certain standard that ensures you don't hurt others.