As bad as I felt this time, one thing I realised very deeply is... Who even acts this way? Getting offended at some random thing, then trying to pretend like... Oh you mean nothing to me... I'm so above you yada yada... Like I'm sorry but why so toxic? Lol. I don't even treat people I dislike with such meanness, let alone people I like. And I would never treat a friend like that. 

All I know now is that I cannot be subjected to this stuff any longer, it's just too toxic and for what reason even? That's the sad part, there is no reason to be this way. 

Your insecurities are not of my making and someone who thinks it's okay to send that line about vns and ignoring small work I produce, then follows it up with this random urge to show me how meaningless I am isn't exactly someone who is remotely nice, lol. 

This is just finding weird ways to be mean. Or maybe this is just who you are? I refuse to be around someone who thinks it's okay to treat people badly. 

Ugh. See I hate writing that. I hate that I'm also in return thinking mean thoughts here. Idk. I guess so much of this behaviour mirrors A, that it not only puts me on edge, it also induces a lot of panic in me. I cannot and will not put myself in harm's way. And it's not my responsibility to hold space for someone who refuses to show me equality or kindness to be honest. 

The sad thing here is that we are both adults... A normal, trusting conversation should be all that's needed to understand each other but it cannot always be some herculean task to do it. Something is simply wrong here if it takes this long and this much effort for things that should actually be natural. 

Whatever... Let me not rationalize or try to ascribe good intent to behaviour that has been thus far so utterly dismissive and mean towards me. I'll take this as a lesson to never include anyone who doesn't show me equality in my life again. First time I actually have to spell this out but here we are, guess it takes all sorts to make up this world. Imagine having to actually spell out that you wanted decency and respect lol. Heh. 

Hehe. This realisation is so tragic, I just wanna laugh. 

🏅🏅🏅

Well, I don't want anything anymore... Nothing in the world is worth feeling this way. And someone who thinks it's okay to treat me like I'm some thief that needs to forcibly be held at the periphery of his life lest I take something is not worth knowing either. It's so malevolent and mean and again ... Why even? Fuck dude.  Like I'm sorry but what even is this behaviour? All like kramniks. His stupid ass trust issues aren't of my making and here I am paying the price like fuck that. Not compromising my self respect for the sake for being understanding of his issues either like why tf should I be on the receiving end of meanness when I didn't do a single wrong thing to him? Problem with people who have a mindset like this is that they think everyone else is a problem but won't ever see what they do wrong. Guess it's easier to blame others than look at your own self and correct that. 🙄