Friday, May 27, 2016

The validity of feels

"Flowers are restful to look at. They have neither emotions nor conflicts" - Freud

Flowers indeed are very pleasant to look at, but I'm not sure if we can attribute to their being inanimate. But I have often wondered about the merits of emotions and what purpose they serve us in general. 

Which brings me to a topic I have been intrigued by. 

In a world where every person but one was completely devoid of emotion, would the power of emoting be considered a superpower or a liability?

At a very base level, an emotional response is the result of hormonal triggers, which are in turn influenced(?) via social conditioning and/or are predisposed to genetic influence. For e.g.: The amount of anger or fear a person feels towards a certain event or stimulus, is subjective to that very person and their experiences. Hence, I may get very upset if someone is dishonest with me, whereas my friend may assume that people come in various shades of grey, and thus brush the matter off. Interestingly, the chicken or egg debate can be brought in here. Did the hormonal trigger happen and hence you exhibited that degree of response or did the social conditioning kick in, and trigger that much of a hormonal response? (Need to research.) 

The level and complexity of emotional responses varies across species, with the non human species exhibiting the basic emotions: Fear, anger, sadness, surprise etc. And largely, for them these base emotions are a means of survival. (Whether they fall under the category of behaviorism or otherwise, would be another debate). These base emotions help them detect threats, survive that threat, nurture their off springs, decide whether to live in packs or in isolation, etc. However, things start to get interesting once more complex emotions come into existence. We hear about dogs being possessive of their masters, cross specie nurturing of off springs and similar events in the animal world. In humans, things like jealousy, contempt, sympathy, empathy come into existence. (Insert examples for the spectrum - delve into the pros and cons)

Now, keeping aside the evolutionary benefits of the base emotions, how do the base and complex emotions serve us? (need an example of the desirable effects of complex emotions.)

Often, I have noticed that a lot of conflict unresolved, due the logic and reason being over-ridden by a tide of emotions. This can be on a large scale, where people of different religious ideologies are at odds with each other for perceived slights to their deities, way of life etc, or simpler things like an individuals inability to admit to wrong doing and their reluctance to be open about certain aspects of their lives. In both those cases, if the emotional response is suppressed, then a more rational line of thought can be inculcated, which can in turn lead to a more desirable outcome. 

Even in daily interactions, emotions play a large role in determining the general environment and state of mind. Say you are at a work place - you get a promotion. This results in you being happy, and an under performing co-worker experiences jealousy. He or she is then faced with a choice - to understand the underlying reasons why that led to this undesirable situation coming about, and taking corrective measures like enhancing their skill set, taking up more responsibility and things of that nature. Or he/she decides to sulk instead, backbites about you, and generally adopts a pessimistic and defeatist attitude. I'm not saying these are the only two choices, just two of the many I am considering.
In the first scenario, the emotional response is over-ridden eventually by rationality, and gets that person a step closer to their desired outcome. In the second, the chances of a desired outcome are significantly less.






Wednesday, May 18, 2016

Drizzle and Go

The cold wind blows
And the trees, they start to sway
The sky is getting cloudy
There is a hint of rain.

We pump up the volume
This rhythm is so divine
The center is calling
And there's no conflict in our minds.

Monday, May 9, 2016

One Step,Two Step

Why is moving on so tough?

This is a question that has been haunting me for a while. I heard from a lot of people that you can truly move on only once you find someone else. But to me that just seems to be a way of evading the core problem, rather than solving it. They also say time heals most wounds, and I agree. As time goes by, it layers every experience, and replaces it with newer ones that catch your attention, hold it, and shift the focus. The addition of more characters in your life has a certain healing quality to it as well. I guess it's the flowing nature of things. It's funny, but when you read stories and watch movies, this whole spectrum of feelings comes across as poetic. Being the observer is a boon - being that character, urgh. The good part of it being a complete narrative is that you have complete control over it. I wish life was like that sometimes. 

I have been struggling with moving on for a while now, and on most days it's fine. But whenever confronted with something 'real', my first instinct is to shut down. My friend says it's the comfort of the shell I retreat back into, and maybe it is. Everything outside of the shell is so pointy, it pierces too often and too much. :(  I just hope that I find it within me to be able to fight that, because the alternative would just be missing out on something better.

Thursday, May 5, 2016

So someone HAS written a book on this concept.

“Contrary to what we usually believe, moments like these, the best moments in our lives, are not the passive, receptive, relaxing times—although such experiences can also be enjoyable, if we have worked hard to attain them. The best moments usually occur when a person’s body or mind is stretched to its limits in a voluntary effort to accomplish something difficult and worthwhile. Optimal experience is thus something that we make happen. For a child, it could be placing with trembling fingers the last block on a tower she has built, higher than any she has built so far; for a swimmer, it could be trying to beat his own record; for a violinist, mastering an intricate musical passage. For each person there are thousands of opportunities, challenges to expand ourselves.” 

― Mihaly CsikszentmihalyiFlow: The Psychology of Optimal Experience

Thursday, April 21, 2016

Have to curate this! Such simplicity and brilliance.

April 22, 1958
57 Perry Street
New York City
Dear Hume,
You ask advice: ah, what a very human and very dangerous thing to do! For to give advice to a man who asks what to do with his life implies something very close to egomania. To presume to point a man to the right and ultimate goal— to point with a trembling finger in the RIGHT direction is something only a fool would take upon himself.
I am not a fool, but I respect your sincerity in asking my advice. I ask you though, in listening to what I say, to remember that all advice can only be a product of the man who gives it. What is truth to one may be disaster to another. I do not see life through your eyes, nor you through mine. If I were to attempt to give you specific advice, it would be too much like the blind leading the blind.
“To be, or not to be: that is the question: Whether ’tis nobler in the mind to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune, or to take arms against a sea of troubles … ” (Shakespeare)
And indeed, that IS the question: whether to float with the tide, or to swim for a goal. It is a choice we must all make consciously or unconsciously at one time in our lives. So few people understand this! Think of any decision you’ve ever made which had a bearing on your future: I may be wrong, but I don’t see how it could have been anything but a choice however indirect— between the two things I’ve mentioned: the floating or the swimming.
But why not float if you have no goal? That is another question. It is unquestionably better to enjoy the floating than to swim in uncertainty. So how does a man find a goal? Not a castle in the stars, but a real and tangible thing. How can a man be sure he’s not after the “big rock candy mountain,” the enticing sugar-candy goal that has little taste and no substance?
The answer— and, in a sense, the tragedy of life— is that we seek to understand the goal and not the man. We set up a goal which demands of us certain things: and we do these things. We adjust to the demands of a concept which CANNOT be valid. When you were young, let us say that you wanted to be a fireman. I feel reasonably safe in saying that you no longer want to be a fireman. Why? Because your perspective has changed. It’s not the fireman who has changed, but you. Every man is the sum total of his reactions to experience. As your experiences differ and multiply, you become a different man, and hence your perspective changes. This goes on and on. Every reaction is a learning process; every significant experience alters your perspective.
So it would seem foolish, would it not, to adjust our lives to the demands of a goal we see from a different angle every day? How could we ever hope to accomplish anything other than galloping neurosis?
The answer, then, must not deal with goals at all, or not with tangible goals, anyway. It would take reams of paper to develop this subject to fulfillment. God only knows how many books have been written on “the meaning of man” and that sort of thing, and god only knows how many people have pondered the subject. (I use the term “god only knows” purely as an expression.) There’s very little sense in my trying to give it up to you in the proverbial nutshell, because I’m the first to admit my absolute lack of qualifications for reducing the meaning of life to one or two paragraphs.
I’m going to steer clear of the word “existentialism,” but you might keep it in mind as a key of sorts. You might also try something called Being and Nothingness by Jean-Paul Sartre, and another little thing called Existentialism: From Dostoyevsky to Sartre. These are merely suggestions. If you’re genuinely satisfied with what you are and what you’re doing, then give those books a wide berth. (Let sleeping dogs lie.) But back to the answer. As I said, to put our faith in tangible goals would seem to be, at best, unwise. So we do not strive to be firemen, we do not strive to be bankers, nor policemen, nor doctors. WE STRIVE TO BE OURSELVES.
But don’t misunderstand me. I don’t mean that we can’t BE firemen, bankers, or doctors— but that we must make the goal conform to the individual, rather than make the individual conform to the goal. In every man, heredity and environment have combined to produce a creature of certain abilities and desires— including a deeply ingrained need to function in such a way that his life will be MEANINGFUL. A man has to BE something; he has to matter.
As I see it then, the formula runs something like this: a man must choose a path which will let his ABILITIES function at maximum efficiency toward the gratification of his DESIRES. In doing this, he is fulfilling a need (giving himself identity by functioning in a set pattern toward a set goal), he avoids frustrating his potential (choosing a path which puts no limit on his self-development), and he avoids the terror of seeing his goal wilt or lose its charm as he draws closer to it (rather than bending himself to meet the demands of that which he seeks, he has bent his goal to conform to his own abilities and desires).
In short, he has not dedicated his life to reaching a pre-defined goal, but he has rather chosen a way of life he KNOWS he will enjoy. The goal is absolutely secondary: it is the functioning toward the goal which is important. And it seems almost ridiculous to say that a man MUST function in a pattern of his own choosing; for to let another man define your own goals is to give up one of the most meaningful aspects of life— the definitive act of will which makes a man an individual.
Let’s assume that you think you have a choice of eight paths to follow (all pre-defined paths, of course). And let’s assume that you can’t see any real purpose in any of the eight. THEN— and here is the essence of all I’ve said— you MUST FIND A NINTH PATH.
Naturally, it isn’t as easy as it sounds. You’ve lived a relatively narrow life, a vertical rather than a horizontal existence. So it isn’t any too difficult to understand why you seem to feel the way you do. But a man who procrastinates in his CHOOSING will inevitably have his choice made for him by circumstance.
So if you now number yourself among the disenchanted, then you have no choice but to accept things as they are, or to seriously seek something else. But beware of looking for goals: look for a way of life. Decide how you want to live and then see what you can do to make a living WITHIN that way of life. But you say, “I don’t know where to look; I don’t know what to look for.”
And there’s the crux. Is it worth giving up what I have to look for something better? I don’t know— is it? Who can make that decision but you? But even by DECIDING TO LOOK, you go a long way toward making the choice.
If I don’t call this to a halt, I’m going to find myself writing a book. I hope it’s not as confusing as it looks at first glance. Keep in mind, of course, that this is MY WAY of looking at things. I happen to think that it’s pretty generally applicable, but you may not. Each of us has to create our own credo— this merely happens to be mine.
If any part of it doesn’t seem to make sense, by all means call it to my attention. I’m not trying to send you out “on the road” in search of Valhalla, but merely pointing out that it is not necessary to accept the choices handed down to you by life as you know it. There is more to it than that— no one HAS to do something he doesn’t want to do for the rest of his life. But then again, if that’s what you wind up doing, by all means convince yourself that you HAD to do it. You’ll have lots of company.
And that’s it for now. Until I hear from you again, I remain,
your friend,
Hunter

Comfortable Spots

As a child I remember reading a story where a guy goes to get his wife/lover/someone back from Hades(?) and all along the way to the castle/underground lair there are whispers calling out to him, and if he looks back, he gets turned into stone (Fairly certain it's not exactly so - but well - something bad happens to people who do that.)

Anyway, the point is, I feel the whispers have a parallel in real life, and are things we now term 'comfort zones', 'sweet spots' etc. The cushy areas and instances of life where all ambition goes to hang itself. They are super seductive - calling you softly, keeping you safe, making you feel cared for like no other.

Such villainy! :|

Song for the night - Time Go | Hold Back The River | Blame It On Me

Outfits and Past Loves!


Not sure how or why, but I still love you guys! :D
JT: *Speechless*


Good opening lines

"There was a boy called Eustace Clarence Scrubb, and he almost deserved it."

---

"The magician’s underwear has just been found in a cardboard suitcase floating in a stagnant pond on the outskirts of Miami"
---

Hahahhahahhahhaaa!


Blink Blink

Wake up, don't wake up
But no, just wake up

Wonder, don't wonder
But like, just wonder

Try, don't try
But maybe try a little bit

Get up, stand up, sit down again
Go back to sleep
This is so cozy

Fly...
Oh wait, did you say Fly?
Well, yes!
Do that. Now. Totally. :)

Tuesday, April 19, 2016

Conversations

Girl: Sitting in a corner, slightly oblivious to her surroundings.

Friend: " What's up? Why the face? "

Girl: Straightening her expression, and giving an easy smile "What? Oh nothing! It's the heat, urgh. Too damn hot!" She gestures towards the sunny garden.

Friend: Frowning at her. "You've been moody for a while now."

Alleged Friend: " Yeah, you seem to zone out a lot more these days. I messaged you the other day as well, but you never responded." She starts to pout.

Girl slowly looks at AF: "Sorry, was busy I guess."

Acquaintance: "Guys! Why don't we go for a movie tonight? Something good must be out!"

Friend: "Are you sure?"

Acquaintance: "About the movie?"

Friend: "No, I'm asking her." Pointing towards the girl.

Girl: "Yeah bro! All good!", she grins.

AF: "Cool! So which movie did you guys want to go see?"

Acquaintance: "Anything is fine by me! Just no drama!"

AF: "Yeah me too! God I hate those! I wanna see something happy. Pick a comedy"

Acquaintance: Excited. "Cool! We can go watch some Hindi movies too! Those tend to be funny!"

AF: "Okay, I'm booking the next show. Let's head out now, and we can make it."

Acquaintance: "Awesome!"

Four of them start to straighten up and move towards the door. Friend links her arm with the Girl, and smiles at her. Girl looks at her for a moment, then smiles back - and softly shuts the door.

Monday, April 18, 2016

Urgh

It would be nice to be able to call up certain people and yell at them.
But like... propriety.

Bleh.

Tuesday, April 12, 2016

Angry Indian Goddesses

Just watched Angry Indian Goddesses right now. It was powerful, albeit disturbingly so. :(
It just got super dark, super fast. I'm gonna get nightmares. 


Saturday, April 2, 2016

Untitled

The highs get high
The lows get low
We dance on
Sometimes fast, sometimes slow :)

Thursday, March 31, 2016

Existentialism - Circa 2012

A note to self, from four years ago:

There is only a finite amount of time in which to do it all. As opposed to the slow changing universe. We may never know why we are here, why there are lessons to be learnt, what the end goal is, if any at all. So finding order out of the silent chaos seems like a fool's errand. We strive, but we don't know why. We care, one day just to die. We feel, react, rationalize, connect, learn and do just about everything we do, but... we don't know why.

Maybe Sisyphus is the embodiment of it all. 

But even though there will always be questions about the goal, as of now, there's a journey to be undertaken. Maybe it's just to complete a chain we are only a small link of. But nonetheless, there must be a balance between them both. 

So go where your instincts take you. Trust that the only perceivable end is to learn, to modify, to reassemble and then learn some more.
Don't despair the snags and the drudgery. Revel that you can feel it. There may be a connector you find, a connector which can only be found in hindsight.
And more importantly, don't give up. 

And lastly, be honest. To yourself and to others. 
Have the courage to stand up for your convictions, and even stand up to your own self if necessary. Don't ever hide behind the fear of failure and contempt, for that too, is a form of dishonesty. Fooling yourself is worse than fooling others, simply because you are the only one that would know.
Open yourself up to ridicule and nakedness. Strip away the cocoon. Fresh air is always best felt on bare skin. 

And love, even when it's hard; share, even when you cannot. 

And do it all because these are the only things that, to you, feel right.

Rediscovered Karen's gift

"Cherish your solitude. Take trains by yourself to places you have never been. Sleep out alone under the stars. Learn how to drive a stick shift. Go so far away that you stop being afraid of not coming back. Say no when you don't want to do something. Say yes if your instincts are strong, even if everyone around you disagrees. Decide whether you want to be liked or admired. Decide if fitting in is more important than finding out what you're doing here. Believe in kissing." - Eve Ensler