A note to self, from four years ago:
There is only a finite amount of time in which to do it all. As opposed to the slow changing universe. We may never know why we are here, why there are lessons to be learnt, what the end goal is, if any at all. So finding order out of the silent chaos seems like a fool's errand. We strive, but we don't know why. We care, one day just to die. We feel, react, rationalize, connect, learn and do just about everything we do, but... we don't know why.
Maybe Sisyphus is the embodiment of it all.
But even though there will always be questions about the goal, as of now, there's a journey to be undertaken. Maybe it's just to complete a chain we are only a small link of. But nonetheless, there must be a balance between them both.
So go where your instincts take you. Trust that the only perceivable end is to learn, to modify, to reassemble and then learn some more.
Don't despair the snags and the drudgery. Revel that you can feel it. There may be a connector you find, a connector which can only be found in hindsight.
And more importantly, don't give up.
And lastly, be honest. To yourself and to others.
Have the courage to stand up for your convictions, and even stand up to your own self if necessary. Don't ever hide behind the fear of failure and contempt, for that too, is a form of dishonesty. Fooling yourself is worse than fooling others, simply because you are the only one that would know.
Open yourself up to ridicule and nakedness. Strip away the cocoon. Fresh air is always best felt on bare skin.
And love, even when it's hard; share, even when you cannot.
And do it all because these are the only things that, to you, feel right.
There is only a finite amount of time in which to do it all. As opposed to the slow changing universe. We may never know why we are here, why there are lessons to be learnt, what the end goal is, if any at all. So finding order out of the silent chaos seems like a fool's errand. We strive, but we don't know why. We care, one day just to die. We feel, react, rationalize, connect, learn and do just about everything we do, but... we don't know why.
Maybe Sisyphus is the embodiment of it all.
But even though there will always be questions about the goal, as of now, there's a journey to be undertaken. Maybe it's just to complete a chain we are only a small link of. But nonetheless, there must be a balance between them both.
So go where your instincts take you. Trust that the only perceivable end is to learn, to modify, to reassemble and then learn some more.
Don't despair the snags and the drudgery. Revel that you can feel it. There may be a connector you find, a connector which can only be found in hindsight.
And more importantly, don't give up.
And lastly, be honest. To yourself and to others.
Have the courage to stand up for your convictions, and even stand up to your own self if necessary. Don't ever hide behind the fear of failure and contempt, for that too, is a form of dishonesty. Fooling yourself is worse than fooling others, simply because you are the only one that would know.
Open yourself up to ridicule and nakedness. Strip away the cocoon. Fresh air is always best felt on bare skin.
And love, even when it's hard; share, even when you cannot.
And do it all because these are the only things that, to you, feel right.
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