"I don't look for it actively 90% of the time but then that 10% when I'm just tired or moody or anything else, it's feels really bad to feel negated at that point."
It's kinda sad tbh that I don't even expect it most of the times. I think it's a key feature of narcissism and being around people who are narcissistic that they deprive you of kindness and importance and take particular joy in revelling in the moments when you feel weak and need care and then withholding it from you. Because they are soooo broken that only feeding off someone elses' misery makes them feel good. I think that's what Rowling based dementors on. That and LoTr.
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I guess I don't want to be around narcissists. Being around one earlier made me understand how fucked up it is. You can always trust that the only time they are being nice is when they need something or looking to manipulate you into giving them validation. But blah. No need to give a shit about all this anymore. Donezies, chapter closed.
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Sometimes I want to just not make an effort on my own. And then see who does. Maybe I should do that. And let go of all that don't. Yeah why not? Actually should just have kept these filters from the start but oh well. 🤷♀️
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Aaaaaand game is starting. Let's goooo.😍
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Oooooo reti and WITH A GAMBIT OMGGGG. LETS GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Someone's gotta win this, come on make it a brilliant game!!
War in Syria, protests in SK and France toppling govt. Was the world always crazy or did I simply not know about it? Fuckz.
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Mum going to live with dad finally. Must have missed him lots these couple of months. Damn man. Well, good for them both hope it feels nice. Hehe. Wish them the best. Love man, love is the answer. Everytime! Haha.
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Sometimes it feels like... When you look for a little bit of affection and such and you don't get it.... It can be the most alienating experience in the world. I know my mom has primarily felt that and that's why her marriage was so troubled.
I learnt early on not to look for it, but I suppose it's what makes me fall for a person now. I don't see myself loving anyone who isn't sweet to me or makes me feel like I'm important to them in some way. It's what I need to feel secure. No games and manipulations. I don't look for it actively 90% of the time but then that 10% when I'm just tired or moody or anything else, it's feels really bad to feel negated at that point. Mind starts building a barrier against people who do that to me. Plus I think it's them being cruel so I suppose its fair to keep guard up. We used to be compelled to be around people we didn't want as kids cuz we had no choice. But as adults we do. That's why I think it's so important to break away from dynamics that are detrimental in some way. Never be around people who actively know they made you feel bad and then simply did nothing about it. But I suppose such people are the ones women cheat on as well. I've often felt the primary reason women cheat is simply because they feel negated by the men. Could be wrong, idk. Best not to judge. Idle musings on a Sunday afternoon hehe.
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Ugh ok gotta get rating back up sheesh it tanked and how. Sick of only being 1900 someday soon gotta really puuuuush
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"True relaxation, which would do me the world of good, does not exist for me." - Klimt.
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Do you good to relax too. :) Imma sleep.
Love,
Me.
https://m.sports.ru/chess/blogs/3283408.html
To read laterssss. Kramms shitting on everyone including hiki lol. How sad that people just publicly say all this. It's an interesting feature of the chess world how tolerant they are of absolute dogshit behaviour lol. Or maybe scary is a better word. But I suppose not everything is bad. Naros latest yt had sooo much support pouring out for him, I guess he really does have a huge number of people who believe in him. It's nice atleast that not everyone just blindly bullies people online that's good on balance.
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"Nakamura is the face of Chess.com. He is popular, has two and a half million subscribers. Apparently, the platform chose him as the main person who will publicly destroy me. And he does it regularly, though with a huge amount of lies and sometimes with violations of the law."
"What confuses me: this is an extremely low cultural and intellectual level. Even regardless of the words addressed to me, his streams are very primitive and vulgar. As if the man has completely lost his human appearance, some kind of horror... I sincerely do not understand how you can watch this and admire it. Although the American public loves him."
😭😭😭😭😭😭. Oh god. Already half way through and 😭😭😭😭😭😭
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