Articulation

Context: some guy saying patriarchy impacts men in that they are always told to be bread winners and get better jobs etc. 

Genuinely one of the most impactful thought lines I have seen articulated in a long time. Was very hard hitting to me, as I never considered it this way. But it's true. There is a huge difference between the two. I don't want to think of it in terms of men v women ofc, but I've often noticed how a lot of guys simply don't understand inequality from a woman's perspective. I recall the time when P told me his mom asked him to buy her a set of earphones cuz she didn't want to ask his dad because his dad makes her justify each purchase. And it was such an awful, humiliating way to treat your wife. To be the mother of two grown children, someone's wife and yet not having enough autonomy to be able to just get yourself a some fucking earphones without asking or telling someone or justifying the purchase like what the fuck. It was so unbelievably abhorrent to me that this is the reality of his household and what was worse was him simply not even understanding or seeing it from that lens. He simply kept saying oh but dad makes all of us justify cuz we need to learn the imp of money like fuck. A father teaching his kids that is one thing but it never even occured to him to realise that he is being so humiliating to his life partner and treating her like she is below him and hence needs to be taught the value of money? To a point where she would rather ask her grown son to buy them? Ugh. So repulsive. And the son, does not even understand the difference or how garbage it is to treat someone this way. He kept talking about her having some unspoken power like she can tell his dad when to come home. Like it's the same thing. Would his dad be okay if he had to make a case to buy himself something simple or ask for an OTP every time he had to make a simple transaction? After what... 30+ years of marriage? Yuck man. 

The worst part is that they come from a generation of tier 1 unis, high income, high net worth families and this is how they think for something as petty as earphones. 

One thing I learnt from my mom is the importance of financial autonomy in any relationship, so you can always have your head held high. And it's true. You can't even have a proper fight with someone if you are discontent and then have to ask them to buy something small like how fucking humiliating will that be? The amount it'll chip away at your own self esteem? Any form of forced servitude is just awful to me. I understand discussing big purchases with each other but not having the freedom to just shop for random small things is something I can't wrap my head around. And for a guy to consider this normal for his own mother. It's always in these seemingly benign things that I find true reflections of the evils of patriarchy. I'm glad my gen doesn't have to deal with this stuff anymore but I'm truly sorry for all those who had to live their lives with this being the norm.

It's true. A lot of people just don't realise it.