Sometimes when I feel anxious or fearful and my tempestuousness catches hold, I try to view things from the lens of a child. I find it very hard to honor myself or be self preserving in a high maintenance way, but then I envision a kid seeing me treated in a not so nice way. I imagine the child looking at me while some guy is mean to me, hurts my feelings, is uncaring if I say I'm hurt and is relentless in his stubbornness and self centeredness. And I think to myself... Would I want a kid to think this is normal? Or would I want the kid to see a man respect me, love me, make me laugh, make me happy and see that as normal and feel free and easy and take that as a norm?
And suddenly everything just rights itself and tells me that the only treatment that's worth it in life is one that makes you strong, secure and feel at ease. The kind of ease where you feel strong because you are cared for and can take that for granted. The kind of ease I'm happy I feel with most of my close ones now.
And that's what it means to be an adult to me. To be responsible for someone else, to give honor and hold yourself to good standards. You don't have to be perfect, noone is and noone expects that. But having a spine, that's the difference between childishness and maturity. And that is a journey noone can make you understand or undertake. But the day you decide to, you grow up and actually flourish into someone worth loving. Atleast I believe that.
And thus the storm calms itself and dissipates unto nothing.
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