Wow so I have fever and a raging headache to boot. Had a bout of feeling awful then cried. And as I'm typing this now I feel sad and horrid and I also know my periods are a couple of days away so this might be why since I always cry atleast once the night before they come around. But just at this moment, my god I feel so, so, so sad. 

I actually just want to cry lots, I'm just so fucking weepy rn. My friend asked me some v point blank questions and for once I gave straight answers. It wasn't easy and I didn't like doing it. I think I kinda even see talking behind someone's back as betraying them and I hate doing it. I like being proud of people and in general want my friends and family to like them and see them in a positive light cuz they all have high standards. In the end - presenting a united front, being respected, having that tight knit unit is very imp to me. Part of why I never discuss anything personal about my relationships ever is cuz I don't like the world knowing any of the strifey bits. Even if I'm struggling, I don't want someone else to know or portray any person I care about as less than in any way to the outer world. But I can't lie to them and sugarcoat things and pretend to be proud of someone if internally I feel ashamed of them. Lord, find me a person that can earn their respect and that I can be proud of genuinely.  Because I will noooooot be able to like someone I can't look up to in some way atleast.

Fucking periods I can't even see straight rn cuz my eyes are so damn teary I could cry. Hehe. I see what I did there. 

Ugh. I should just sleep. Things will feel better once this pms lifts. 

Lmaooo getting this notif from an app at 2 am in the morning 💀

Fuck... What a complete joke this is.  Hahhaha. Oh man. Someone's out to flip me off.