The world is so full of shit at times that I always had this huge amount of skepticism regarding it and a lot of my energy went into preserving myself and rejecting almost everything instinctively. And yet, as luck would have it ... There's actually someone I don't seem to quit on and that's also v instinctive. I'm not sure why it is the way it is, or why I actually do give a shit. But something about his angsty, childlike soul has me in this vice like grip that brings me joy even after bringing me a lot of pain. The lens it got me has made me change for the better and also in some way start to be more optimistic about the future. It makes me want to work hard, better myself, do the things I had put of simply because it feels like it's worth it now. I like that. And I'm grateful for his presence and I'm fucking grateful for my relentless spirit that simply refuses to quit on myself and people I care about. It's scary, NGL. But I feel it's worth it too. And that's the one ray of sunshine that kinda drives me to be disciplined, to envision a better tomorrow, whatever that may mean. I started working on my pet project, a plunge I never thought I would take. And it's so scary to do it. But at the same time, something in my mind is aligned the right way and I legit want to give it my best. No focus on outcomes, just a desire to do my best. This is v new for me cuz for once I'm doing something just happily without fearing failure or driving myself nuts with the desire to control the outcome. Was seeing a bit of Dune today and something in my mind just went... Ummm... You can totally write something atleast of this calibre. And I'm excited to find out what shape it takes and what I come up with. Ugh. I'm happy.