The importance of Niceness

Hmmm. I know chess can be frustrating. But lately, all this random ignoring and acting out is getting a bit much tbh. And adding it on when I already told him about L's cancer thing and how bad I was feeling is just taking being insensitive to a whole new level. 

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I was wondering why I feel annoyed by it... It's cuz it's very dismissive. Usually if someone is pissy about something they just either communicate it openly or cool off and say something to show that they are normal. Here, it feels like... I'm gonna give silent treatment and then you only reach out etc. It would be juvenile if some teenager did this, but for a 41 yo to be this immature is weird. 

If I pull back, it's only cuz I get tired of being the one doing the work and I feel like okay this is the space for you to and this is the space where it should be you but then it just goes into tantrum mode of wanting me to be the one to say hi. And a lot of the times it feels like deliberately mean also, with the whole I'm gonna not only give curt replies, ignore half of what you say etc. 

Like where is the bit where you ask me how I'm doing? How I've been? Anything at all about me , any conversation that's actually about me? Like not even once in two + years? 

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Aiyoooo. 

Just. Lmao. Idk what to do with him sometimes it's frustrating. 

You should not test someone's care by throwing tantrums you should seek to make them feel happy and comfortable with you so that the bond can grow and thrive. His way feels like I'm gonna stamp on this plant repeatedly, refuse to water it, then get angry cuz it's dying. 💀

Like bruh..it would do the opposite if you actually showed it the kind of care it needs. When will you figure that out?

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Well I atleast told him that not in so many words but called it out. I think maybe I should also do that more instead of keeping it to myself. Lol. Both are being avoidant in this. And that's stupid on both our parts. Ugh. It's my Achilles heel though. If I feel someone is being uncaring I just hate it and then feel like maybe I should not invest my time and emotions with them. And that's fair. I think I will end up pulling back if things stay this way because honestly it's not worth it to be hurt randomly and then have little to no recompense. Feels very soul sucking. And if I detach these parts of me then de facto it will mean that I don't give a shit about him and that will just make me indifferent. Idk man... It's for him to figure out I can't do it for him and I'm not holding myself hostage for someone if they can't be caring I just do nooooot have the patience for it. I want peace, stability and solidity in my equations and I will not settle for less any longer.