Since I'm awake

...for no reason, :( let me collect my thoughts from today's trip.

I always wonder why people make the choices they do. Earlier, I think I was a bit obsessed with perfection and would be very dismissive of people who chose to behave in a way I thought was sub optimal. I think I've come to accept the greys somewhat now. Travelling today with M and her bf made me wonder about hers too. We are so different as people, it really gets highlighted sometimes in our 'people choices'. I had to make an effort to get along with her bf, and some of it was a bit exhausting for me. I see the niceness he brings to her life, but his attitude to everyone around him is so dismissive. The constant need to be right, the argumentativeness, coupled with him dismissing facts in favour of his own opinions is a trait that annoys me no end. Like whyyy can't you just admit you don't know something and why have this insane need to constantly be explaining things to others. I never get why people have so much insecurity about their intellect. Yet, it's interesting that she doesn't seem to mind that all that much. I guess the other benefits kind of level out these traits for her. Plus she is pretty easy going, and has a ton of patience so probably finds it amusing almost. I bet she has a similar view of my choices too. In that she probably doesn't agree with some of them lol. I remember once discussing this with her and she telling me she thinks I end up putting in a lot of effort with people, and that leads me to be around those who just use that for their benefit and over time I get tired and withdraw from them. And then they wonder why I'm suddenly not around as much. It's kinda true, my rationale has always been that give someone a chance and make them feel comfortable if you like them. But I always notice how the other person is dealing with me in the interim and idk I guess most people just mistake kindness for weakness. Hmmm. I think I need to pull in the direction of reciprocity more. It's something that's been on my mind the last couple of weeks as well. If I give you importance, it doesn't mean I don't value my own, is that rocket science to figure out? Lmao. I pull in the direction of equality, not some random hierarchy and I certainly don't see myself as lower on any scale. 

Meh, whatever. Do your bit and adult.