Dilemmas

Wondering if it would be worth it to explore the start up route again. The work load will most likely be a lot, which I don't mind. But I'll have to forgo comp and take a bunch of esops that wont vest anytime soon. That's such a gamble. The last one was a giant turd. The co-founders ended up working for 3 years and only sold it for a mill, what a joke that was. Ugh. I'm so confused. 

A stable company will have very mundane work but the hours will be flexible and I'm so used to wfh and not having to deal with bs people. Co-founders are a diff breed of toxic at times, so tough to find a culture fit that works. But I also like the excitement of building something. Having said that, I think I'm over the idea of working lots for someone else. I can't seem to bring myself to care about a business that isn't feeding directly into my own coffers too. Need to figure out a way to create some revenue streams so I can escape the whole salary bs. 

Someday I would like to build my own thing though, that's the eventual goal. I don't even mind if it's tiny, but as long as I can create something sustainable it would be worth it. Just have no clue what it should be at present.

Ugghhhh. I am just so not excited for any of this. I'm just going through the motions because I should and it's a necessity. 

Hell, everytime I go into the city my first and only thought is ffs when can I go back. I genuinely feel like I just want to go far far away and never come back.