Kids

Something about being around kids makes me wonder about traditional choices. I've never really made any myself. I never dated someone just for the heck of it, I didn't marry for the heck of it, I don't particularly care about money other than to ensure my independence. Other people's definition of success doesn't do jack for me. There aren't any social norms that I ever bowed to afaik. Nor am I interested in acquiring material things, except small things like cozy blankets and nice speakers and good chocolate once in a while.

But seeing tiny kids makes me wonder if I'll ever have one of my own. I guess it's the one traditional choice I'm curious about. So many people just pop kids easily and then just proceed to destroy their lives. I'm myself a product of a bad marriage and I know how much it traumatised me and kinda still does to this day. I could never do that to a kid. I hate the idea of an unhappy home and an indifferent partner, it terrifies me. Especially indifference, I think that is one of the worst things you can experience from someone you love. I guess maybe that's why commitment, consideration and loyalty are so important to me.

The irony here is that the one traditional choice that people make so easily i.e. to marry and have kids is one that - for me - has been the most elusive in a sense. I don't think I can marry anyone unless I fall in love, there has to be that inner voice that says "Yes, you are it! You are the one I've been looking for. " And if I do get to experience that, I'm still sure that I'll only consider having a kid if that person also wants one. I think that's the only responsible way to look at things, cuz I can't do the whole marriage and family thing just for the sake of it. Guess I just like working within self imposed constraints. I could say some people have it easy, but that wouldn't be fair cuz a lot of things in my life came easy to me as well, all except love I suppose. On balance though, I am happy and in a good mindspace more or less. 

Hmmm. Let's see what the future brings. 

Here's to living an interesting life, a fulfilling life, and may it be full of love and camaraderie and filled with wonderful people going forward. 

A non alcoholic cheers! 

Ps - I can't believe I stopped drinking just on being told not to the one time lol. But I guess when you are right, you are right. Plus it's the only caring thing said to me so far, so I guess I've chosen to honor it.