Growing up

Was talking to M today and asked her about C. He has all but started living with her lol. So she was telling me about the challenges that come with it for her. It was interesting, she is so aloof and stoic that sharing a space with someone definitely makes her a bit antsy. But on balance it seems to be going well. I'm glad. It's been a while since her divorce, and back in college and thereafter she never dated someone nice. I don't even know how she came out of that marriage without feeling shitty cuz my god that dude just sucked. I wish I'd had the courage to tell her how much I hated that guy back then. He seemed like such a jerk, I hated him from the moment I looked at him. But I guess we weren't  as close then. Weird how I choose people who are closed up and stick around till we get comfortable with each other. I'm glad I put in so much effort with her, she would have just meandered a lot more if I hadn't I feel. She told me how much of an impact it made back when I used to ensure I call her and keep badgering her to move on with her life. I didn't realise what I was doing instinctively could be so meaningful to someone. It makes me very happy to hear that though, she is such a gem, an absolute diamond. I hope life finds a happy ending for her from now. She has slowly build up herself over these last few years, and I find a lot of strength and inspiration in that. Plus I can just trust her so implicitly. Finding the ability to trust has been such a hard task in my life, but I'm glad now I only have people I care about around me. 

I love you M, you're one of the best people in my life, you make me so comfortable and okay being myself and I'm so glad we are friends! Funny how much both C and I dote on her, we literally cherish her to bits lol. I want that in my life too, cuz I'm sure I'll be the one to dote on them and it would be nice to have that returned. I don't want it to be imbalanced here on out cuz it's really nice feeling like you are cherished. :) Guess that's one of the feelings of safety I'm also looking for. I think I'll just commit instantly the minute I feel that, until then I'll probably just be guarded. But it's okay, I need to have that filter, because I want to commit for good anyway, so if it takes time then it takes time. 

M - you were one of the unlikely ones, and yet time did it's thing and made sure we find a cocoon of our own, even though we are so different. But I understand now that having a similar value system is paramount to any relationship. I hope our equation just goes from strength to strength, cuz it's crazy how much we have grown together. ♥️