It's funny that I used to be an extrovert, but slowly I've become very comfortable just being by myself. But I guess it's just a way to integrate both my sides. In lieu of quality conversations, I'd rather spend my time doing what I like. Di was telling me someone blocked her on insta and it reminded me of why I chose to delete socials so long back. I guess it's the noise of so many people that tends to be unsettling. In a small way, I wanted to have the freedom to discover who I am and who I like being without the opinions of others, so a fresh start was ideal. I've learnt to discern who to give my energy to, and where to hold back or completely cut off. It's probably still a bit of a work in progress but I'm sure I'll get it right by trial and error eventually.
I should stop with the negative self talk though. Like...I'm sweet, I'm kind, I do my best for people, I'm smart, have a decent humor and am fairly knowledgeable. I do bring a lot to the table, I deserve niceness and I think I need to surround myself with people who see that in me, who are secure enough in themselves to be able to appreciate it and are welcoming. Create the right kind of feedback loops. Plus I have reached a point where I'm kinda tired and I can't make room for those who don't make an effort. So if you want to go, then just go. I won't stand in the way. But I'm done carrying all the load by myself, I'm not doing it anymore. And for once, I mean it. I'm happy to make people a priority and I'm happy to be loving towards them, but they have to meet me halfway and show me they care directly as well. I'm not settling for less, whoever it is. Tis what it is.
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