It even triggered my memory of Man's search for meaning. Idk how to even describe it, but that book has stayed with me forever. There was a line about " you want to stamp out what you find disgusting ". It was so horrifying to read. And the part where he talks about how people just forgot after a couple of years. Man.
Sometimes my heart just bleeds when I see so much suffering, so much hurt, so much pain in the world. I hate it. I wish I could take it all away. From everyone. When I was a kid, seeing someone else upset used to make me mirror their emotion and instantly want to make them feel better. A funnily selfish act maybe, because I was seeking to relieve myself of the burden as much as I was them. A lot of my fears have stemmed from the fact that there are truly awful people out there, ones that have no empathy. I've brushed up against one such person in my life and it's one of the most unnatural things I've ever experienced. ( Steer clear of narcissists, Amen. )
Over the years, I've realised that I'm very attuned to people's sensitivities and their perception of what they define as inadequate in themselves. Maybe that's why I have always tried to look for the best in everyone and highlight it for them whenever I do happen to see it. Lol, I do that for others and yet I can't seem to do that for myself sometimes. I have perceived myself as inadequate forever, and I'm old enough to understand that it was environmental factors that drove home that point for me daily. It's easier to articulate but not as easy to internalise I guess. I think that's part of the reason why I also want to create a diff environment for people who come in contact with me, like make sure even if it's a small thing, they can see clearly what makes them special. And there always are things that do, but other insecure folks just try to stamp it out of you. Whatever, idc what others do, I'll make like Ronaldo and pull in the other direction all by myself if I have to. Even if it's a tiny bit, I hope whoever comes around the periphery of my life has a positive experience, in whatever capacity.
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