Saw some clips of a kid being v happy to get a toy, and then read this comment and it reminded me of my own childhood.

I was never someone who asked for anything. No toys, nothing. Even my most basic memories still are of just wanting to climb trees, and hang out with friends and such. 

But that one 'happy bday' Barbie in her pink gown that I had seen in a shop while I was with my mom. I must have been 6/7 yos at the time. It was the only time I actually wanted something. And I didn't ask for it. My mom used to dump all her adult issues and such on me when I was a kid and once she told me she didn't have much money to spend so consequently my tiny mind told me I should not ask for anything. Something that just became ingrained in me to a point that I don't think I've ever asked anyone for anything and always preferred to be the one that provides if I can. All my life I've been that way. That doll is the one thing that I remember as being a thing I wanted and still didn't ask for, out of consideration to my mum. Heh. But I have a transparent face and it must have showed that I loved it and my mum bought it for me anyway. Kept it for years. Gave it a haircut only to realise that dolls don't have hair like people and therefore she had a bald patch for fucking foreverrrr lmao. My brother grew up different. He didn't have qualms about spending money and getting what he wanted. Ironically now that he is an actual millionaire, he is more conservative with his choices and isn't blowing money on sports cars or such lol. Those were the dreams of all kids, atleast  the boys. Funny how we all grow up. 

This is one of my core memories, one that in some sense is so fundamental to me as a person. I simply don't ask people for stuff. Part of it, I'm trying to change. Because I don't think I should be the one to do everything for someone. If there's one thing I've learnt over the last two years... It's that I need to value the right sort of behaviour. And that's something I'm going to keep in mind going forward.