Sunday, August 18, 2024

Ehhh. That owl dude randomly responded to some story. Told M guess that's the least I can do. Better to tell even if it's a tiny thing. If he has to go to some deep end to hide shit from me then might as well tell him so he can do whatever. Probably badmouth me to them so make them stay away. Whatever. Do whatever you want, make me some villian, paint me as some sketch person whatever... 🤷‍♀️. I'm not the one getting guys to hide the fact that they know me like this. Would never even have thought of doing something so shitty tbh. All cheater type behaviour honestly. Damn P. Don't let yourself adapt to such behaviour that you completely lose sight of what constitutes niceness man. Honestly. When I actually think about it then yes. I would simply never have spent time talking to someone I felt the need to hide stuff from this way, or have gotten some dude to hide his presence in my life over an Instagram dude like. Wow. Lol. I've never played the mistress in anyone's life why tf would I be cast in that role now like bruh why even. Lol. I don't have a precedent for this. I've never actually known anyone behave this way. But whatever. It's best to stay away. This is completely not worth it. And all of it is just wrong. Straight up. Trying to turn me into the enemy one minute and hiding stuff then also wanting me to be around to ask how are you and how do you feel etc it's just wrong. It's like he just wants to use me and at the same time act as if I'm some enemy the minute something personal is there. Half the folks around keep taking about him and his parents etc and that to him is fine but someeeehow I'm the enemy but I must also aquiesce to some role he defines where I cater to him AND he never has to ask about me or show me importance because ofcourse I must not feel like I am. Just need to be a slave that never complains but always caters. And if I respond to stories or bullet etc then he gets to pretend to keep that fragile ego intact by saying look look I didn't go to her, she came to me.  

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Whatever. I think I'm done here and I don't think anything here is worth it tbh. It's just. I mean I kinda wanna laugh at how useless it all is. 

And I am sorry though. I actually do feel sorry for him because... Idk at the end of the day if you really have to feel sooooo protective about yourself that you feel like someone is snatching something from you the minute they know you is... Idk man. I hope you find some peace I guess...not everyone is bad. I wasn't. I actually simply cared about you for you. Lol. It was just that simple. Not the guy you pretend to be, not the person who feels like he needs to look like he is the best at everything but rather for the goofy person who enjoys good music and can be funny and sweet. But I guess that person maybe exists more in my imagination than in reality it seems like. Hmmm. 

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I think it's best to find people my values align with naturally. This isn't it.

Yep. 

I am just donezies here. I don't like complications and I'd rather be around people who show me a warm welcome the way I do for them. 

Heh. It took someone treating me like crap to make me finally realise that I simply want better. And now that I know it for good, I cannot undo it. I suppose since I'm not going to be making an effort, he wouldn't know what to do either. Lol, what a kryptonite it is for him, just such a simple thing. Like his entire being will shatter at the thought of just admitting a person is valueable to him. Well, I'm sorry for whatever happened in your life that you are this way even now. 

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Haha. Fuck dude. Just get soooo stuck in this rut at times where the outrage at being betrayed just outweighs everything. Heh. 

I just feel so bad to be treated in such an uncaring way to be honest. Like how is it so hard to just be like hey what s up how are you doing? It's such simple things and he can't even do that much how monstrous it feels at times. Lol. Sucks. 

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Imma just eat my peanuts in peace and listen to music lol. Chill scenes.

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