Just a reminder to myself: My life is my responsibility and I should choose to pick better roads if the ones I'm currently on simply show me pictures that are not to my liking. And I think it's high time I do it.

The world can be a murky place. There are so many discontented people out there. And it's always the small things that count and matter that increase happiness and quality of life. It's time to accept that I should choose to count on those who make that effort for me. 

Long back, when I spoke to J... That felt so nice and I was so drawn into the conversation. It was because it had been ages since someone was just nice to me and connected with me on my wavelength. It felt easy because the person I was speaking to was at ease with themselves and willing to be nice to me cuz hmmm. Cuz he is a secure man tbh. He is a lot of other things. Things that do not align with me and who I am. But that one bit is so important. Just that value you confer on to someone because you care and more importantly because you don't feel diminished doing so. Lol. I can't believe I'm even stating that out loud. Where did I take a wrong turn that I actually have to state that out loud lol. Yeah. Hmmm. 

Well, no point in dwelling but from now onwards I think I have to be cognizant of this and make room only for what naturally fits. I'm done feeling like a slave and never again will I do it. 

Granny's one month passing is kinda bringing home that fact to me. 

Anyway, I feel myself mentally checking out finally. I am not willing to withstand negative behaviour. I guess cuz I had some measure of hope that I might be wrong, but that's just wishful thinking I suppose. Heh. All I've ever wanted is niceness and consideration and I am not going to compromise on that anymore. 

~

Listening to Naroditsky's podcast as I type this and I can't help but feel like I share the exact same bias for fairness that he seems to have. Which is why I do not find it easy to believe that he would ever stoop low enough to cheat. The thing that strikes me so much is how he is still willing to be fair towards that asshole, no disrespect to assholes ofc. In my own life I feel I've been guilty of doing that exact same thing... Being fair towards shitty people out of a compulsion to be fair even when said people suck. But I guess he understands as I feel I do too that ethics and ethical frameworks are meant to remain undiluted and untouched by the lunacy of others. That's the whole point, you do not allow the actions of others to break that covenant. And it can be hard. I can appreciate how horrid it must be for him rn to have to deal with these whispers and nonsense. Can see how much it impacts him. I guess that's what I was trying to tell M too, esp about accusing kids. Like it doesn't matter even if they do something wrong, grown men aren't allowed to bully them just for that. Subjecting kids to abuse even in the form of online bullying and harassment as punishment is ungodly and unpardonable. I wanted to tell him to imagine what Bobs reaction would be if his kid does something wrong and some unrelated dude shows up and starts yelling at the child or plastering nonsense online. I'm sure Bob would want to knock him out. Any good father would want to tbh. Idk. I hope M gets it someday. (And perchance you do read this, then well... I really hope and wish you understand the sanctity of protecting kids even when they do something wrong. There are times in life when you have to learn to keep the well-being of others above your own agendas and wishes. Being able to discern that shows character.)