Ugh

I am just so mentally exhausted. Like. All this travelling back and forth. Being there for family etc. Decided to just take a bit of a breather and didn't talk to anyone much this week. And then I see today this person has played for 10+ hours. I don't even know what to say. I feel like... Bruh that's just self harm levels of bullet. I don't get him sometimes. Is it really that hard for him to juuuust say hello? It's so weird man. All of this is weird. Ignored my one win against someone titled, then next day is doing this. I don't know man. I've long felt that he has an issue with saying hi esp if he thinks I'm mad. But it can't be so deep that you never check in and try to induce the other person say hi. Like I genuinely missed it this time too. 

Well, I can't I give up. between all this family stuff, it also makes me acutely aware that he never once asked about my grandma or how I am etc. So I honestly just find myself asking an honest question... Is it really worth it? Worth caring about someone who deliberately treats you badly? Like none of my other friends would have ignored something so blatantly. And if they were busy they'd have gotten back at some point, not just tried to throw a tantrum. Hmmm. 

I don't know man, but I'm tired and it's extremely draining and at the end of the day it feels like he keeps taking me for granted and using me for validation but can't actually be nice back to me even once. And idk someone who doesn't ask if your granny is ok or not after you tell them she may not make it, someone who can't appreciate you even once when you do something you are happy with... It's just emotional abuse. Maybe that's just it and maybe he just is abusive. Idk. But I don't want to deal anymore. And everytime something happens I feel like fuck it life too short let's just be nice etc.  But now it just feels like bro if all you do is treat me badly in return... After all this time if a bare minimum hello on your own is something that you can't do then maybe yeah. I should just accept that it's emotional abuse with a caveat kept to avoid accountability. Hmmm. Okay I will leave it from now. It's hard to lose people, but it's harder to be around someone who makes you feel bad also. I just don't have it in me to do any more.