So this post is about all of us. At some point or the other, all of us have been guilty of using people to service our needs. While it is admittedly open and rampant in the professional sector, in private life too, we are prone to pick and choose people who enable us to live a certain way. When we need a favour, we turn to the ones most likely to grant it, when there is need for companionship, we turn to some others.
I've always figured that a healthy give and take is an essential aspect of communal living. A large group always has to feed off each other. All of that is acceptable and agreed upon. However, when this same thinking enters matters of the heart, suddenly it becomes ugly. What is it about love and relationships that makes us so possessive that we cannot outwardly accept the grays? If I were to tell someone – Hey, I don't particularly like you all that much, but I feel it would be nice that you stick around for a while. You see, it's kinda lonesome without someone around. – chances are, I'd get one tight slap, with a whole lot of name calling. :) For the sake of everyone's peace of mind, I may dupe my own self about his importance and play act the role that is expected of me. And so the rigmarole begins and the curtain rises for act one.
Which brings me to the point that had been bugging me for a while. So many people I know are living these dual lives. As the pool starts to get shallower, more and more of us are entering these equations. (I am not saying this is a norm, but it's definitely a trend I am seeing.) These equations may not be wholly satisfying, but are better than nothing. I understand why that would happen, and it may be a conscious choice on the person's part as well. But a whole lot of times, we end up not spelling it out and instead hoodwink our partner. We trick them into believing our intentions are genuine, and this is a fairly tale like state of affairs. We find a justification in our heads, a rationalization rather, for the equation –
'This is what I need now.'
'This is the best choice'
'He/She is a stable partner'
'Things didn't work out before, best not to put myself in harm's way'
'Love is for the dreamers and the impractical.'
– and so the list goes.
Based on the rationale we tell ourselves, we also continue to play act our combined lives. To me, it is not much different from the cheaters who are overtly attentive to their partners, in order to compensate for their guilt. The awareness levels may vary, but the baseline for both acts seems to overlap somehow.
At the end of the day, I feel we are just running away from who we really are. Some form of cowardise seems to be at play here. (I am unable to define it more precisely at this moment.)
So why is it that we cannot bring ourselves to a point of acceptance, and in turn, do the same for someone else? In the end, do these lies not keep us away from what we truly desire?
I've always figured that a healthy give and take is an essential aspect of communal living. A large group always has to feed off each other. All of that is acceptable and agreed upon. However, when this same thinking enters matters of the heart, suddenly it becomes ugly. What is it about love and relationships that makes us so possessive that we cannot outwardly accept the grays? If I were to tell someone – Hey, I don't particularly like you all that much, but I feel it would be nice that you stick around for a while. You see, it's kinda lonesome without someone around. – chances are, I'd get one tight slap, with a whole lot of name calling. :) For the sake of everyone's peace of mind, I may dupe my own self about his importance and play act the role that is expected of me. And so the rigmarole begins and the curtain rises for act one.
Which brings me to the point that had been bugging me for a while. So many people I know are living these dual lives. As the pool starts to get shallower, more and more of us are entering these equations. (I am not saying this is a norm, but it's definitely a trend I am seeing.) These equations may not be wholly satisfying, but are better than nothing. I understand why that would happen, and it may be a conscious choice on the person's part as well. But a whole lot of times, we end up not spelling it out and instead hoodwink our partner. We trick them into believing our intentions are genuine, and this is a fairly tale like state of affairs. We find a justification in our heads, a rationalization rather, for the equation –
'This is what I need now.'
'This is the best choice'
'He/She is a stable partner'
'Things didn't work out before, best not to put myself in harm's way'
'Love is for the dreamers and the impractical.'
– and so the list goes.
Based on the rationale we tell ourselves, we also continue to play act our combined lives. To me, it is not much different from the cheaters who are overtly attentive to their partners, in order to compensate for their guilt. The awareness levels may vary, but the baseline for both acts seems to overlap somehow.
At the end of the day, I feel we are just running away from who we really are. Some form of cowardise seems to be at play here. (I am unable to define it more precisely at this moment.)
So why is it that we cannot bring ourselves to a point of acceptance, and in turn, do the same for someone else? In the end, do these lies not keep us away from what we truly desire?
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