... is to be surrounded by people better than me, more knowledgeable, more driven, chasing a dream with all that they have. Everyone else just doesn't cut it. :(
Thursday, April 26, 2018
Saturday, April 14, 2018
Mindshifter
A character with no identity or battle of his own. He can get inside the mind of anyone and observe how they function. There is no intent, other than to observe. His objectives are mysterious at best and he cannot be trusted in the traditional sense. He cannot be counted upon per se, the only way to evoke something in him is curiosity. He is mostly a benign presence, doesn't actively cause harm to anyone. But he does end up being a bit of a problem because other people have motives. Will be interesting to cast him, since he can be used as a chess piece. Likes to have the best seat in the house for any event he finds interesting. Think dragon fight.
Thursday, April 12, 2018
Choices
Flowers don't grow in swamps, except maybe lotuses.
That's beautiful, and that's also the last place I'd wanna be.
That's beautiful, and that's also the last place I'd wanna be.
Tuesday, April 10, 2018
Fears and Loves
'Love is the longing for the half of ourselves we have lost'
- Milan Kundera
This line basically surmises all that I felt for you. You made me so aware of myself and all that I lack, but want. It broke my being in ways I had never encountered before. There were days when I felt as if I was being torn into two and I could feel every rip. I couldn't even run away, you just held me in place and made me endure the break repeatedly. And I did. Even when I thought I couldn't stretch more, I somehow managed to do it. For me. And in a juvenile way, for you. These are thoughts that I am sure you would not understand or relate to, because I suspect your vision is myopic. You utter thoughts that express your need to seek depth and meaning, yet your actions are shallow and irresponsible. I find that so fascinating. Time, however, has done its thing. The storm you subjected me to, has slowly passed. I no longer wake up engulfed in fear. The primalness of what I felt is being replaced by a sense of purpose and direction. Two things that I find comfort and meaning in. Slowly, I have allowed myself to stand in place and feel my fears fully. And now I am well on my way to attain all of the missing pieces that my life was lacking. Soon, there will come a day when I have them as well. And that thought scares me. I think in a way, it has been my biggest fear, and the reason why I have always allowed myself to be 'flawed'. The flaws were my comfort zone, ones I felt kept me from making horrific mistakes with people. I have often felt like I have some degree of power and influence over people I know, and I actively avoid that particular realisation. Flaws allow for lesser power and lesser influence. Power corrupts, it makes you ruthless. Power is so much responsibility. I always choose the path of obstacles or put in self imposed limits, unconsciously. Which brings me to the thought that is pertinent to my love for you. If I were all that I could be, if I didn't put any limits to myself and really owned it instead - would there ever be a place for you in my life? If there is no part of me that is missing - would there be anything left for you to fulfill? Or is the bigger question this - if one doesn't need anyone, then what becomes the basis of love? Is it like an end unto itself?
- Milan Kundera
This line basically surmises all that I felt for you. You made me so aware of myself and all that I lack, but want. It broke my being in ways I had never encountered before. There were days when I felt as if I was being torn into two and I could feel every rip. I couldn't even run away, you just held me in place and made me endure the break repeatedly. And I did. Even when I thought I couldn't stretch more, I somehow managed to do it. For me. And in a juvenile way, for you. These are thoughts that I am sure you would not understand or relate to, because I suspect your vision is myopic. You utter thoughts that express your need to seek depth and meaning, yet your actions are shallow and irresponsible. I find that so fascinating. Time, however, has done its thing. The storm you subjected me to, has slowly passed. I no longer wake up engulfed in fear. The primalness of what I felt is being replaced by a sense of purpose and direction. Two things that I find comfort and meaning in. Slowly, I have allowed myself to stand in place and feel my fears fully. And now I am well on my way to attain all of the missing pieces that my life was lacking. Soon, there will come a day when I have them as well. And that thought scares me. I think in a way, it has been my biggest fear, and the reason why I have always allowed myself to be 'flawed'. The flaws were my comfort zone, ones I felt kept me from making horrific mistakes with people. I have often felt like I have some degree of power and influence over people I know, and I actively avoid that particular realisation. Flaws allow for lesser power and lesser influence. Power corrupts, it makes you ruthless. Power is so much responsibility. I always choose the path of obstacles or put in self imposed limits, unconsciously. Which brings me to the thought that is pertinent to my love for you. If I were all that I could be, if I didn't put any limits to myself and really owned it instead - would there ever be a place for you in my life? If there is no part of me that is missing - would there be anything left for you to fulfill? Or is the bigger question this - if one doesn't need anyone, then what becomes the basis of love? Is it like an end unto itself?
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