If you had your pick of one person that you could choose to keep in your life, who has a direct line of influence over you, what kind of traits would you like for that person to have w.r.t. impacting your life?
Would you choose
1. A person who has the ability to understand you completely?
Or
2. A person who sees the best in you?
Let's say Person 1 understands you completely - this means that they can see you for exactly who you are - your flaws, your shortcomings, things you are capable of doing and things you are incapable of accomplishing. The good, the bad, the ugly - All of it.
Background: Given the relativistic nature of our reality, we have a notion of what's good and expected and traits that are outwardly celebrated in society. Things like honesty, selflessness, helpfulness, sense of empathy and so on and so forth. An abundance or amplification of these traits would bring about more harmonious living and societal progress as a whole. Basically, they promote and prioritise the group as a whole over the individual. And given the basic selfish, me-before-you attitude of individuals, most of these traits are aspirational for people. If not aspirational, then atleast they are harder to exhibit, given that it requires a conscious effort to prioritise others. So I'm going to assume that these traits are in the fighting minority whereas others, negatively viewed traits like selfishness, laziness, deceit, jealousy etc. are the ground state. Now most people do not live at ground state, they move upwards towards higher states, and most probably swing between a few of them - good days and bad.
So: Coming back to Person 1, say he/she is able to glean your ground state, and reflect that back to you. Would it be comfortable to have this person around at all times? The constant light that shines on your true self, would it be too uncomfortable? Or would it be a tool to measure yourself by, and lead to change/acceptance? Given that our tendency is to always view ourselves in the best possible light - would this type of examination - that strips you of all your illusions - be beneficial?
In the context of a partner - how would life be with such a person?
I imagine life would be heady and the intimacy would be incredible.
And then we have Person 2: One who sees the best in you?
In the light of this person, we see the best parts of ourselves, while hiding the worst. The most obvious benefit here would be the incredible amount of comfort this person would bring, since they reflect the good bits back to you and in their mirror you see the best version of yourself. Even thought it is incomplete, it might be helpful for harmony and ease, soothing of insecurities, no asking yourself: 'Am I good enough?', trying to live up to their image of you, and thereby minimising the negative traits.
The most obvious downside: False beliefs about oneself, unchecked ego (maybe), and living in a bubble state.
But bubbles do protect you, even if they don't protect others.
So given a choice, what to pick?
I don't have an answer. :/
